https://youtu.be/35rT3J9kKYQ Surrenderyou still reach for me half asleepbefore reality settles inlike your heart still lives somewheremine no longer knows how to reach and I lie awake beside youstaring at the dark againwondering when survivalbecame the shape we started living in you tell me you miss me latelywhile I’m still lying next to youand I don’t… Continue reading Surrender
Author: TheGirlSpeaks
Dear Husband
https://youtu.be/Aekn1S2IKhQ Dear Husband Somewhere along the way,your need to be wantedbecame louderthan my need to feel safe beside you. And I don’t think you ever noticedthe exact moment I started disappearing. Not all at once.Not dramatically.Just slowly. A thousand tiny cutsdisguised as passing comments,wandering attention,and apologiesthat only lasted long enoughfor the cycle to begin again.… Continue reading Dear Husband
He Stayed
This piece came from a season of questioning my worth, my identity, and the exhausting feeling of constantly trying to become “enough” for the people around me.For a long time, I believed love had to be earned. That I had to become quieter, softer, easier, less emotional, less broken… just to deserve to be stayed… Continue reading He Stayed
I don’t Hate You
I wrote this during a time where I was reflecting a lot on how repeated hurt quietly changes a person. Not all damage happens loudly. Sometimes it happens slowly, through disappointment, emotional exhaustion, fear, and the gradual loss of the softer parts of yourself. This piece is not about hatred or blame. It is simply… Continue reading I don’t Hate You
I was never taught how to be a daughter, my mother unable to understand how to be a mother herself, my path grew from here into one where any role I had, became impossible to navigate. I failed as a daughter, I failed as a sibling.... I grew up without them around me like a… Continue reading
The Distance That Grew Without Warning
Our youngest, our baby girl, shes 11 now, We feel we are starting to loose her and it hurts more then words can say. When she want into care she was a carefree happy child, relaxed, a pleasure to be around, loved to read, loved to sit and curl up under a blanket for cuddles,… Continue reading The Distance That Grew Without Warning
When Doing the Work Still Isn’t Enough
I’ve avoided talking about this publicly for a long time, not because I’m ashamed, but because it’s complicated. But so many people keep asking what happened, and I think it’s time to explain what I can.I won't deny when our mini humans were placed into care, life felt impossible at times, but we had reached… Continue reading When Doing the Work Still Isn’t Enough
The Work You Can’t Measure
Sat down with a coffee day, and I felt it — that deep, tired ache in your chest when you’ve done everything right and still feel like it’s not enough. So today, I want to speak about a different path yet linkI rarely speak of the situation with social services here, . Nor about court… Continue reading The Work You Can’t Measure
Protected: When Speaking Truth Makes You the Target
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
From Crisis to Worship: A Journey Held by Grace
Its taken me a long time to get where I am, I work on myself every day, I don't believe I will ever find myself at a place of full contentment with myself, but I know I can speak in a way that I know I make progress every single day,Today marks a big milestone… Continue reading From Crisis to Worship: A Journey Held by Grace
Therapy
That word that is being used against me once again, a word that is used as a weapon in my world to stop me moving forward, a word that no matter how i use it, its wrong, always so wrong, to the point i question everything once again.2022 I started a private therapy to help… Continue reading Therapy
random thoughts
Can you ever change who you are from the inside out, or are you just putting on a mask to appease others in a situation that they deem fit to call it a disguised action? My identity as I grew was never grounded, paths taken, guided, misled, manipulated to suit others needs from the moment… Continue reading random thoughts
5 years Ago
5 yrs ago, I woke in the morning, not knowing my mind was planning to betray me, I was unaware of the heartache it was about to cause. As I stepped into a new day, believing my life only deserved the demons that were about to take hold of my mind and body, The very… Continue reading 5 years Ago
Was that you saying hello?
Was that you saying hello when my world faded to white, 5 yrs ago,What that you saying hello, the night the wind whispered in my ear, 4 yrs ago, Was that you saying hello when the same song kept playing over and over, 2 years ago, Was that you saying Hello, as I placed a… Continue reading Was that you saying hello?
It’s OK
I have tried for so long to try and find who I really am, but I realize now, that I will only ever find parts of myself, and I am OK with that To find out even one part, is a long process, but I am OK with that, to discover anything on this journey… Continue reading It’s OK
A turning Point
Since my last post, though this will be short, my life has changed beyond measure. I thought all hope was lost, despite daily emails, learning, researching, and non stop everything, yet nothing, as I felt all I was doing, was getting me to no point that I desired. I struggled but I kept on, until… Continue reading A turning Point
A date,
To some a date is just another day ticked off on the calendar, a normal day, For others, dates mean more then just a day in their diary, more then a birthday, For some a date is a reminder you have survived another year, Not just a year of life, but survived after spending one… Continue reading A date,
Root Cause
I have held back from here of recent, as I have tried to find my own path, refusing to sit in negative memory, refusing to be dragged back to the bad places, I couldn't work out why I was back there, my childhood traumas already dealt with, how else had I got through life without… Continue reading Root Cause
Trauma ~ Mind Vs Body ~ Self awareness
I have always been angry at myself, as one trauma has dictated to my life, one of which I am told to get over, apparently I don't try hard enough. I have blogged about this incident prior, but it's of recent, on learning the body remembers trauma our mind often blanks out, I have learnt… Continue reading Trauma ~ Mind Vs Body ~ Self awareness
What is reality any more
Laying in the dark praying for sleep to over come me, Instead visions plaque me, forcing themselves into the front, I try and steady my breath, as an emotion of memories roll through my being, I feel the duvet, I feel the roughness of the cotton against my skin,the weight, the snugness, slowly fading into… Continue reading What is reality any more
the pull is still so strong, the will power of No, grows weaker each time, As I sit, my hands fighting my all beside me, Some will say well done on being strong, Yet all I want to do is scream, I am not strong, I have no desire to be strong, The pull is… Continue reading
My Mini Humans
I got to see my bubba's last week, it was too long, and it's too long until the next time, I know every second is noted and written, every negative documented, every move we do, but I don't care,I got to hold them, hear their voices, hear their laughter, see their smiles, We got to… Continue reading My Mini Humans
My fingers tracing my scars, from the red harsh rough tops of my arms,To the small soft white lines on the lower,Feeling every little bump, every little line a reminder, A reminder of turmoil, a reminder of pain, As I recall the flow of blood, The cool liquid falling slowly, no fear,A reminder of relief,… Continue reading
Mothers Day
I debate over and over, as yet again I am told I am too negative here, and I should be positive, or I get the reminder that it's my fault that I am in the place I am, so in my mind why should I write about issues that only I have caused, I mention… Continue reading Mothers Day
Abandoned
I have sat with this open over and over, I type then I stop, I want to get out of head this memory, twisted, distorted, write it out, file it away, dealt with and done with, I have done this over and over, this is why i have this blog, yet why is this one… Continue reading Abandoned
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