Surrender

Surrender
you still reach for me half asleep
before reality settles in
like your heart still lives somewhere
mine no longer knows how to reach

and I lie awake beside you
staring at the dark again
wondering when survival
became the shape we started living in

you tell me you miss me lately
while I’m still lying next to you
and I don’t know how to explain
that I’m still trying to find myself
underneath all of this

everybody sees the surface
two people carrying on
but hidden pain grows quietly
long before something feels gone

and I know you’re hurting too
I hear it underneath your voice
but understanding pain
doesn’t always undo its damage

so I surrender
not because I stopped caring
but because I can’t keep losing myself
trying to carry everything

and maybe God sees roads
I cannot yet understand
so tonight I place the future
somewhere outside my hands

this isn’t me saying goodbye
and it isn’t me promising to stay
it’s me finally being honest
that I don’t know the ending yet

we still speak about small things
still share the same space
still look normal to strangers
while silence fills the place

and sometimes you hold me gently
like touch alone can heal
while I sit with all the things
I still don’t fully know how to feel

because nothing here is simple
there’s no villain to become
just two exhausted people
standing in the wreckage of what love turned into

I spent so long trying
to hold everything together
convincing myself love meant
enduring every storm forever

but my heart grew quiet slowly
and I buried that beneath survival
until one day I realised
I couldn’t hear myself anymore

so I surrender
not into hopelessness
but into the quiet understanding
that I cannot force clarity yet

maybe healing looks like distance
maybe truth needs room to breathe
maybe God is still writing paths
neither of us can fully see

and I know that hurts to hear
when all you want is certainty
but I can’t promise answers
just honesty

so tonight I leave the future
somewhere outside my fear again
between silence, grace, and whatever comes next