Since my last post, though this will be short, my life has changed beyond measure. I thought all hope was lost, despite daily emails, learning, researching, and non stop everything, yet nothing, as I felt all I was doing, was getting me to no point that I desired. I struggled but I kept on, until… Continue reading A turning Point

To some a date is just another day ticked off on the calendar, a normal day, For others, dates mean more then just a day in their diary, more then a birthday, For some a date is a reminder you have survived another year, Not just a year of life, but survived after spending one… Continue reading A date,

I have always been angry at myself, as one trauma has dictated to my life, one of which I am told to get over, apparently I don't try hard enough. I have blogged about this incident prior, but it's of recent, on learning the body remembers trauma our mind often blanks out, I have learnt… Continue reading Trauma ~ Mind Vs Body ~ Self awareness

Laying in the dark praying for sleep to over come me, Instead visions plaque me, forcing themselves into the front, I try and steady my breath, as an emotion of memories roll through my being, I feel the duvet, I feel the roughness of the cotton against my skin,the weight, the snugness, slowly fading into… Continue reading What is reality any more

the pull is still so strong, the will power of No, grows weaker each time, As I sit, my hands fighting my all beside me, Some will say well done on being strong, Yet all I want to do is scream, I am not strong, I have no desire to be strong, The pull is… Continue reading

I got to see my bubba's last week, it was too long, and it's too long until the next time, I know every second is noted and written, every negative documented, every move we do, but I don't care,I got to hold them, hear their voices, hear their laughter, see their smiles, We got to… Continue reading My Mini Humans

My fingers tracing my scars, from the red harsh rough tops of my arms,To the small soft white lines on the lower,Feeling every little bump, every little line a reminder, A reminder of turmoil, a reminder of pain, As I recall the flow of blood, The cool liquid falling slowly, no fear,A reminder of relief,… Continue reading

I debate over and over, as yet again I am told I am too negative here, and I should be positive, or I get the reminder that it's my fault that I am in the place I am, so in my mind why should I write about issues that only I have caused, I mention… Continue reading Mothers Day

I have sat with this open over and over, I type then I stop, I want to get out of head this memory, twisted, distorted, write it out, file it away, dealt with and done with, I have done this over and over, this is why i have this blog, yet why is this one… Continue reading Abandoned

Is this really a thing, or is it dangerous to one's own mental well being. I know some assume last weeks wobble is dealt with, I shall allow them that thought, as I fight every day with what is in my mind now, and what it think's and tells me, the fear of not understanding… Continue reading

I write this but I am shaking as my mind is still in a strange place, not a panic attack, not an anxiety, in fact I don't know what this is, cold, feeling sick, the tears wont stop falling, as my mind took me to a spilt moment in time, no reason, just its pure… Continue reading Unhealed Trauma

I see often that as someone in my shoes, (I hate that term, it has no logic, but Ill go with it here, just to make sense in a place were sense really doesn't matter. It is said I am a survivor, once a victim, so is it strange that I see myself as neither?… Continue reading Victim or Survivor

it's 2.27am. I have sat for the last hour with this window open, my mind flittering between thing's I wish to get off my mind, as that's what this place really, a place I can put things down then walk away from, but nothing feels right, I just feel like I am being constantly negative,… Continue reading

I have recently struggled to find motivation to blog, I have wanted to, I have so much in my mind, but nothing feels right, or the timing is wrong. As sleepless nights, have decided to be part of my life again, I have decided at 1145pm, to find a quiet chair, and just type out… Continue reading EUPD~ Splitting

After ranting at my husband for the last 15 mins, I need to vent on here as I am confused about something, and need/want clarification, though I know I won't get it, unless someone wants to email me their thoughts! This won't be a long post. Since exploring this mental health world, and the effects… Continue reading Pick and Choose Mental Health

Dreams, are they a reflection of a reality that you struggle to understand or are they a manifestation of a nightmare situation, created by your own existence, Flitting between teenage me and adult me, getting ready for school but I didn't want to go, didn't want to face another day of being ignored, another day… Continue reading Nightmares

Christmas, for the first time a few years ago, I finally felt able to get excited, and bring the magic into the lives of my children, even more then I had already attempted, we had the biggest tree we could fit, the most decorations, we made our own traditions, we made our own little family… Continue reading What is Christmas anymore

I have debated over and over whether to do this, but I guess it's better to do then do not, and regret later. I write this in the hope that maybe the one it's intended for will see this and maybe have some understanding, even just a small amount as to why they are in… Continue reading

As the dates and days close in, my mind is in a mess once again, not bad or worrying, I am not at risk this time, its more of confusion and frustration. The last 2 or so day's, alone with my thoughts, over thinking, over assuming, or am I?I pull apart as much as I… Continue reading 3 situations blended into one

writing this straight from a panic attack/flash back, I normally wait, but i have nothing to distract me, so why not let out whats inside whilst its still raw? It may take me a while my typing is awful, my hands won't stop shaking. According to so many, I should be enjoying and living my… Continue reading flashback or a panic attack,