On 7th June, I gave my life to Jesus,
I made my promise, and I committed, a long time coming but I did it!
Today is a week later, its Sunday morning,
I am exhausted from yesterday, so church is not my place today, instead later Ill sit with prayer and my bible, but for now I wanted to share this
I have it recorded, but I don’t wish to share that publicly yet.
In the days leading up to it, I sat and wrote again, a different style I do, then using AI to bring it to life, I wanted to share that with you too,
My Testimony
If you had met me a few years ago, you wouldn’t be looking at the same person standing here today. I was exhausted from surviving and had completely lost sight of my own worth.
When people talk about testimonies, they often talk about the moment everything changed. The truth is, my story wasn’t like that. There wasn’t one moment, one prayer, or one day where everything suddenly became okay. Instead, there were years of darkness, small moments of light, and a God I didn’t even realise was carrying me.
On 2nd April 2019, my world as I knew it fell to pieces. Everything I thought I knew, everything I thought I wanted, and everything I thought I could trust was torn from under me.
People often describe trauma as “blacking out”, but for me, everything faded to white. When I woke, I was surrounded by police officers, handcuffed to a hospital bed, exhausted and bruised. I later learned that six officers had pulled me from Tamar Bridge. I was sent home with promises of help and hope, but instead things became darker. Self-harm worsened, drinking worsened, I went missing, and I attempted to end my life again.
Then came 14th October 2019. That day, my mind broke once more. Every thought inside me screamed that I was worthless, pointless and beyond saving. I ended up on Wadebridge bypass and stood there for eight long hours. At one point, the world around me was completely black. The only sounds were the police officers and negotiators somewhere behind me.
Then suddenly, there was silence.
I remember standing completely still. An officer behind me panicked and asked what I was doing because he thought I had already made my decision. But I hadn’t.
Because below me, through all that darkness, I saw white.
Swans. Half a dozen of them floating below, glowing softly in the night. And in that moment, something inside me shifted.
A short time later, I was physically pulled from that bridge. Again, help didn’t really come afterwards. I was held for a few hours and sent home. I was lost. I was alone. Or at least I thought I was.
Or at least I thought I was.
The strange thing is, looking back now, I can see that God had been present in my life for far longer than I realised. My family history is filled with Bibles. I have a collection of them, passed down through generations. They sat on shelves throughout my life, always there, yet somehow I never truly saw them.
It seems impossible now, but I think I spent years looking past the very thing God had been placing in front of me all along
Because now, looking back, I see those moments differently. That white light on April 2nd — I believe now that it was God surrounding me with comfort and protection. Not stopping my pain, not taking away my choices, but protecting me from greater harm while I walked through darkness I didn’t yet understand.
And those swans on October 14th — while they looked like feathers shining beneath me, I now believe they were a reminder that even in complete darkness, He was there. Telling me, “You are not beyond reach. You are not abandoned. I will walk you through this.”
In August 2023, Jane invited me to Oceans Church. I walked through those doors a stranger and walked out with a family. For the first time in a very long time, I found people who saw me, loved me, and pointed me towards Jesus.My life still isn’t easy. Living with CPTSD means some days still feel impossible. There are mornings when I am afraid to step into tomorrow because I don’t know what waits for me there. But now I hear a different voice beside me saying, “I’ll hold your hand if you can find the strength to keep walking. You won’t be left behind. You are not alone.”
The story of the ninety-nine holds my heart because I truly believe He came back for me too. He never gave up on me, even when I had already given up on myself.
So today, I stand here not because my life is perfect, not because all my questions have been answered, and not because every struggle has disappeared. I stand here because Jesus met me in the darkness. Because He stayed beside me when I couldn’t see Him. Because He carried me before I even knew His name. Because when I thought my story was over, he was quietly writing a new one.
So with this, I give my life to Him. To the God who never abandoned me. The God who carried me. The God who walked through the darkness with me until I found the other side.
And this is only the beginning of my testimony.
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