Our youngest, our baby girl, shes 11 now, We feel we are starting to loose her and it hurts more then words can say. When she want into care she was a carefree happy child, relaxed, a pleasure to be around, loved to read, loved to sit and curl up under a blanket for cuddles,… Continue reading The Distance That Grew Without Warning
Tag: mental health
When Doing the Work Still Isn’t Enough
I’ve avoided talking about this publicly for a long time, not because I’m ashamed, but because it’s complicated. But so many people keep asking what happened, and I think it’s time to explain what I can.I won't deny when our mini humans were placed into care, life felt impossible at times, but we had reached… Continue reading When Doing the Work Still Isn’t Enough
The Work You Can’t Measure
Sat down with a coffee day, and I felt it — that deep, tired ache in your chest when you’ve done everything right and still feel like it’s not enough. So today, I want to speak about a different path yet linkI rarely speak of the situation with social services here, . Nor about court… Continue reading The Work You Can’t Measure
From Crisis to Worship: A Journey Held by Grace
Its taken me a long time to get where I am, I work on myself every day, I don't believe I will ever find myself at a place of full contentment with myself, but I know I can speak in a way that I know I make progress every single day,Today marks a big milestone… Continue reading From Crisis to Worship: A Journey Held by Grace
Therapy
That word that is being used against me once again, a word that is used as a weapon in my world to stop me moving forward, a word that no matter how i use it, its wrong, always so wrong, to the point i question everything once again.2022 I started a private therapy to help… Continue reading Therapy
random thoughts
Can you ever change who you are from the inside out, or are you just putting on a mask to appease others in a situation that they deem fit to call it a disguised action? My identity as I grew was never grounded, paths taken, guided, misled, manipulated to suit others needs from the moment… Continue reading random thoughts
Was that you saying hello?
Was that you saying hello when my world faded to white, 5 yrs ago,What that you saying hello, the night the wind whispered in my ear, 4 yrs ago, Was that you saying hello when the same song kept playing over and over, 2 years ago, Was that you saying Hello, as I placed a… Continue reading Was that you saying hello?
It’s OK
I have tried for so long to try and find who I really am, but I realize now, that I will only ever find parts of myself, and I am OK with that To find out even one part, is a long process, but I am OK with that, to discover anything on this journey… Continue reading It’s OK
Root Cause
I have held back from here of recent, as I have tried to find my own path, refusing to sit in negative memory, refusing to be dragged back to the bad places, I couldn't work out why I was back there, my childhood traumas already dealt with, how else had I got through life without… Continue reading Root Cause
I did a thing
This week has been bittersweet, one of mixed emotions, starting in hell and ending in a better place. I simply cannot afford too allow myself to feel the emotions of Monday, that is something that cannot be allowed at this current time, I cannot and will not risk my Mental Health any further then it… Continue reading I did a thing
I’m Not Afraid
Im not afraid, my mantra over the last 3 years,the one that I whisper,as a panic attack rolls like a wave over me,as the blade used to dig into my skin,as my world was torn from beneath me, wording to reassure the chaos in my mind im not afraid of my past,im not afraid of… Continue reading I’m Not Afraid
Nope, I lied
I lied, I am afraid so very afraid, as anxiety sits within so tight over the last few day's, not once leaving my side, Meant to be working towards the positives, I am trying, but fear get's in the way, I am so afraid of being alone once again, I am so afraid of waking,… Continue reading Nope, I lied
Your last Breath….
You would think I would be used to the nightmares, One's that visit nightly, it's become almost a comfort to me. Until the one's of recent. The one's that I struggle to comprehend, when there is no reason for them, those are the one's I do not wish to visit me upon an nights rest.… Continue reading Your last Breath….
What you don’t see
I write this post, because people think I am fine, I am fine, I am not OK but I am fine. I do this with the mind that people see me online, they see me working, they see me sharing, I am communicating, I am planning, what they don't see goes a lot deeper, but… Continue reading What you don’t see
The nightmare’s return
My mind distracted, so many what if's, so many what about's, so many just what, and when's, my mind distracted, sleep wasn't a friend, I miss those nights. For now, sleep visits once again with it the nightmares of a world so far from my own, yet so connected. Walking a path, to a home,… Continue reading The nightmare’s return
Reality, what is it really? is it what we know, or is it a figment of time that we don't actually live? I no longer know, esp when my mind plays games like it did today Driving my car today, I glance around, checking the mirrors,Roads, trees, cows, the sky, fields, other traffic, Clear, sharp,… Continue reading
Words Can Hurt
My past, is a past that has caused me so much pain and anger, from the moment I was born, it has never ended, Much lays hidden in the depths of my mind, dropping in often unexpected as a reminder of the path I have walked. One part of my journey though, has been documented… Continue reading Words Can Hurt
Have you ever just stood there, in any location, and wondered how? Have you ever looked around you, in any place, and thought, what?Have you ever just sat and looked at someone and wondered, Who?Today, Stood in the middle of a supermarket, I look at my husband, I look around me, and nothing feels real,… Continue reading
Hauntingly Silent
I have been silent once again here, My life is taken over by everyone and everything else, Yet, one thing I am able to do, is something I have wanted to do for so long,Yet, for many reasons, I have had to wait, confidence being the main one, Yet now is the time, Now is… Continue reading Hauntingly Silent
Sleep
Sleep, for some an escape from this world, a chance to rest and forget about life for a few hours, For others a land of nothing until the next morning, to wake with no fear, just ready for another day,For some others, sleep doesn't happen often, and when it does, it takes them to a… Continue reading Sleep
gift receiving
Why is gift receiving such a uncomfortable experience? As another year has passed, another dot on my existence, Another reminder that I still sit today in this world. Another Christmas gone by, I once again question life, Everything I do, questioned, every moment, Currently, I only want to create a good memory, Yet its so… Continue reading gift receiving
Forgetful
Early hours of the am, I feel the words I wish to speak, but by the morning, my mind escapes me, So I blog now, in the hope I make sense of the mind I live. At night I speak what I feel in the hope of the morrow I remember, I tell myself I… Continue reading Forgetful
Laying in bed, stating into the darkness, sleep no longer a option, Curled up under the duvet, praying sleep to come, I watch the shadows dancing in the moonlight. Anxiety starts to kick in, my tummy doing back flips, I feel sick. My mind starts to play games,You deserve this, if you hadn't have done… Continue reading
1st Step
I keep getting told to get help, but help isn't always easy to get, so many seem to think it's as simple as picking up the phone and asking for it, but sadly that's not the reality, esp in this covid ridden world right now. In Jan of 2020, a phone call, wiped me from… Continue reading 1st Step
A Glimmer of Hope
Last week, step's were made in the start of getting help, actual support, as I was referred to a service that had never been mentioned to me before, a service I could contact when in times of crisis. I held this information close, trusting I could use it, would use it, I didn't know, I… Continue reading A Glimmer of Hope
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