You would think I would be used to the nightmares, One’s that visit nightly, it’s become almost a comfort to me. Until the one’s of recent. The one’s that I struggle to comprehend, when there is no reason for them, those are the one’s I do not wish to visit me upon an nights rest.
Five years ago you took your last breath,
Five years ago, I took my first,
As your window opened to let your bastard soul fly free,
I walked through a new door, closing yours behind me,
Your name soon became a whisper, fading to nothing,
The hell you bestowed my childhood, the innocence you stole,
Forever embedded deep within, the mental scars strong,
Yet I was able to close that moment, and step forward.
Until a few nights ago, Whilst sleeping, you came forth,
Strong, frightening, I stirred fast in my sleep,
Why did you chose to visit, why this memory,
Not a memory of what you did to my child body,
Not a memory of the manipulation you created with my mind,
It was a fictitious moment, created in my mind, in my nightmares,
But your presence was strong,
Standing in a room, Your room, but not one I know,
I left your room, backing out, I needed to escape,
Finding myself in a corridor, I walk towards a window,
Yet it was only a window, no way out,
I turn fast to another corridor, the familiarity of my old school,
Though nothing made sense, I wanted to run, but I found myself back in the same spot,
I wanted to scream, but nothing happened when I yelled, just echoing silence.
I find myself back at your door, I find myself uttering the words No, over and over,
You do nothing but stand laughing, mocking me,
I ask what you require of me, you turn in response, Point to something outside of my vision,
I am unable to see what you are pointing at,
Instead I try once again to escape, yet every corridor leads back to your room,
I struggled to breathe, the air choking me, tears burning paths down my face,
I demand answers, instead of your voice, just a smirk, your hand raising once again to point,
Point to a place out of my vision, My feet unable to move, I fall to the floor,
My hands on my ears, My head flooding with images, Images burning into my memory,
Images I had once pushed away,
A child’s body violated, a child’s body used….
I lash out, I find a soft blanket, I find my breathing harsh, I find familiarity in my own bedroom,
I awaken, or am I awake?
Reality, nightmares what is the difference any more?
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