Was that you saying hello when my world faded to white, 5 yrs ago,What that you saying hello, the night the wind whispered in my ear, 4 yrs ago, Was that you saying hello when the same song kept playing over and over, 2 years ago, Was that you saying Hello, as I placed a… Continue reading Was that you saying hello?
Tag: family and relationships
Root Cause
I have held back from here of recent, as I have tried to find my own path, refusing to sit in negative memory, refusing to be dragged back to the bad places, I couldn't work out why I was back there, my childhood traumas already dealt with, how else had I got through life without… Continue reading Root Cause
I did a thing
This week has been bittersweet, one of mixed emotions, starting in hell and ending in a better place. I simply cannot afford too allow myself to feel the emotions of Monday, that is something that cannot be allowed at this current time, I cannot and will not risk my Mental Health any further then it… Continue reading I did a thing
I’m Not Afraid
Im not afraid, my mantra over the last 3 years,the one that I whisper,as a panic attack rolls like a wave over me,as the blade used to dig into my skin,as my world was torn from beneath me, wording to reassure the chaos in my mind im not afraid of my past,im not afraid of… Continue reading I’m Not Afraid
Nope, I lied
I lied, I am afraid so very afraid, as anxiety sits within so tight over the last few day's, not once leaving my side, Meant to be working towards the positives, I am trying, but fear get's in the way, I am so afraid of being alone once again, I am so afraid of waking,… Continue reading Nope, I lied
Not Worth Saving
3 words, just 3 simple words that suddenly hit home when writing a post on a forum, 3 words that flowed from my fingers before I knew what I was writing. Words that suddenly brought tears, understanding and a feeling of calm for a moment. I understand now, I understand A young toddler, stood watching… Continue reading Not Worth Saving
What is Life?
I was once asked a question, of would I turn back time, they never said how far, they never gave a time point. It was a question that I feel is open ended with infinite possibilities.Turning back time, turning it back to my birth, turning the clock to off, Remove all chances of the life… Continue reading What is Life?
The Figure in the Mirror
I have always been told yesterday is a memory, and too look only unto tomorrow, Yet what if the yesterday comes and pay's a visit with no warning, what happen's then? What are we supposed too do? I mean, yesterday I drove a path I walked physically a year ago,I assumed I would be fine,… Continue reading The Figure in the Mirror
Control Yourself
Emotion I have always struggled with, hugs came with pain, Verbal emotion resulted in a telling off,I have never fully had the chance to understand or trust emotion, always expecting another motive,Whilst my moods and tempers as I grew, never allowed to be their own, instead, teased and mocked,Expression not allowed without a negative reaction.… Continue reading Control Yourself
24 hours of time
The past 24 hours has opened a world, I didn't intend on visiting, It opened a past I had kept under lock and key, a world I fear. A memory of a time, I wished to blog about, but didn't know when. Every day, became the tomorrow, the tomorrow became another time,Every excuse was heard… Continue reading 24 hours of time
The first time
As a child, I loved stories being read to me, Enid Blyton, the secret Severn or, the famous five, These stories, I read as a child, from the age of 5, forward, The magic tree, I adored, a fairy tale, I could escape in, A world I loved. I recall my bedroom as a 6… Continue reading The first time
Laying in bed, late last night, My eyes slowly closing, I wait for peace, I wait for sleep, I wait for quiet, Moment's later, my eye's open, Hoping hours had passed, Yet nothing but a few had,I find myself in solitude, I see a wall, yet beyond nothing makes sense, I see before me a… Continue reading
Protected: A link that cannot be broken
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Nightmares or reality?
When you head to bed, hoping to wake refreshed in the morning, hoping a night of bliss brings you relaxation and a new day, Bur, what if instead, you head to bed, and you find yourself in a world where you question reality, question dreams, fear is strong, nothing makes sense, yet everything is happening… Continue reading Nightmares or reality?
Christmas
Christmas, one time I managed to turn a negative into a positive, One time I was able to make a change with now happy memories attached. Let me start from the beginning. Growing up, as soon as the Christmas music started playing in the shops, as soon as the lights lit up the town, a… Continue reading Christmas
Positive
A lot of how I post now can be influenced by others, how they see me, what they believe I should be posting about, which is cool. I have been told of recent, my posts are too negative, why don't I post positive. I had to think for a while, then I thought of the… Continue reading Positive
What is reality
I seek attention, yet I self loathe, I seek to brag, yet I shy away from people in person, I seek to glamouize suicide, yet my story is that of only a fight for survival, I hide my arms, my raw cuts, my scars, pulling my sleeves lower when people's heads turn, Yet I demand… Continue reading What is reality
One week ago I became best friends with my demons, One week ago today, this time, this moment., I took the path of deciding to want to end my life, physically and mentally crossing a barrier, One week ago I was on the most serious path of self destruction I have ever walked. I stated… Continue reading
When you're lost inside, whilst outwardly the smiles are perfected, When you struggle to know which way to turn, When you want to ground, but nothing allows,When the fog thickens, yet your mind is clear, When you just want the rivers to run, When you just want to hide from the world, Distractions, so many… Continue reading
*drunken ramblings #3*
I no longer know whats real, time escapes me, moments leave me, I write this after a panic attack kicked in hard and fast with the trigger hiding deep in a day of chaos. This is ending up all over the place, but I really don't care right now.... I may have issues, it doesn't… Continue reading *drunken ramblings #3*
Time is Futile
When your small, time is long, the future ahead seems so far ahead, everything seems like its lasting forever, yet coming out the other side and into adult hood, time becomes something that just seems to be over in the blink of an eye. Standing as a small child, light blonde hair scrapped back into… Continue reading Time is Futile
Protected: Dear Oldest Girl Child
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Deja Vu
The letter box rattling today, a highly confidental letter, doubled up to ensure privacy, my heart skipping a beat, pulling the papers towards me, glancing down reading the print before me. My heart now in my mouth as the tears threatened to show, the words floating before me, fear over taking me, a feeling of… Continue reading Deja Vu
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 4
This is going to be the hardest for me to write, thankfully its short, but even so..... June 2003 Social Services got in touch wanted to see me and H. Wanted the to meet with out my mother around. This wasn't easy but I managed to do it. The meeting with this social worker boiled… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 4
Protected: An Open Letter
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