Its taken me a long time to get where I am, I work on myself every day, I don't believe I will ever find myself at a place of full contentment with myself, but I know I can speak in a way that I know I make progress every single day,Today marks a big milestone… Continue reading From Crisis to Worship: A Journey Held by Grace
Tag: cornwall
random thoughts
Can you ever change who you are from the inside out, or are you just putting on a mask to appease others in a situation that they deem fit to call it a disguised action? My identity as I grew was never grounded, paths taken, guided, misled, manipulated to suit others needs from the moment… Continue reading random thoughts
It’s OK
I have tried for so long to try and find who I really am, but I realize now, that I will only ever find parts of myself, and I am OK with that To find out even one part, is a long process, but I am OK with that, to discover anything on this journey… Continue reading It’s OK
Root Cause
I have held back from here of recent, as I have tried to find my own path, refusing to sit in negative memory, refusing to be dragged back to the bad places, I couldn't work out why I was back there, my childhood traumas already dealt with, how else had I got through life without… Continue reading Root Cause
I did a thing
This week has been bittersweet, one of mixed emotions, starting in hell and ending in a better place. I simply cannot afford too allow myself to feel the emotions of Monday, that is something that cannot be allowed at this current time, I cannot and will not risk my Mental Health any further then it… Continue reading I did a thing
I’m Not Afraid
Im not afraid, my mantra over the last 3 years,the one that I whisper,as a panic attack rolls like a wave over me,as the blade used to dig into my skin,as my world was torn from beneath me, wording to reassure the chaos in my mind im not afraid of my past,im not afraid of… Continue reading I’m Not Afraid
Nope, I lied
I lied, I am afraid so very afraid, as anxiety sits within so tight over the last few day's, not once leaving my side, Meant to be working towards the positives, I am trying, but fear get's in the way, I am so afraid of being alone once again, I am so afraid of waking,… Continue reading Nope, I lied
Your last Breath….
You would think I would be used to the nightmares, One's that visit nightly, it's become almost a comfort to me. Until the one's of recent. The one's that I struggle to comprehend, when there is no reason for them, those are the one's I do not wish to visit me upon an nights rest.… Continue reading Your last Breath….
What you don’t see
I write this post, because people think I am fine, I am fine, I am not OK but I am fine. I do this with the mind that people see me online, they see me working, they see me sharing, I am communicating, I am planning, what they don't see goes a lot deeper, but… Continue reading What you don’t see
Reality, what is it really? is it what we know, or is it a figment of time that we don't actually live? I no longer know, esp when my mind plays games like it did today Driving my car today, I glance around, checking the mirrors,Roads, trees, cows, the sky, fields, other traffic, Clear, sharp,… Continue reading
Words Can Hurt
My past, is a past that has caused me so much pain and anger, from the moment I was born, it has never ended, Much lays hidden in the depths of my mind, dropping in often unexpected as a reminder of the path I have walked. One part of my journey though, has been documented… Continue reading Words Can Hurt
Have you ever just stood there, in any location, and wondered how? Have you ever looked around you, in any place, and thought, what?Have you ever just sat and looked at someone and wondered, Who?Today, Stood in the middle of a supermarket, I look at my husband, I look around me, and nothing feels real,… Continue reading
2006
At a time when I crave solitude and to be on my own, there was once a time, I had more then enough alone time, there was a time, I went from being in a supported unit, with people around, to nothing, pure nothing.My first proper home should have been one of joy.A home where… Continue reading 2006
gift receiving
Why is gift receiving such a uncomfortable experience? As another year has passed, another dot on my existence, Another reminder that I still sit today in this world. Another Christmas gone by, I once again question life, Everything I do, questioned, every moment, Currently, I only want to create a good memory, Yet its so… Continue reading gift receiving
Laying in bed, stating into the darkness, sleep no longer a option, Curled up under the duvet, praying sleep to come, I watch the shadows dancing in the moonlight. Anxiety starts to kick in, my tummy doing back flips, I feel sick. My mind starts to play games,You deserve this, if you hadn't have done… Continue reading
1st Step
I keep getting told to get help, but help isn't always easy to get, so many seem to think it's as simple as picking up the phone and asking for it, but sadly that's not the reality, esp in this covid ridden world right now. In Jan of 2020, a phone call, wiped me from… Continue reading 1st Step
To the Kind Souls
On the flip side to yesterday's distressing time, I thought it was time I mentioned the kind people, the ones who do care, the one's who have gone above and beyond. For years I have been self employed, after a break due to my mental breakdown, In June I was in a position to restart… Continue reading To the Kind Souls
To the Lady in Sainsburys
You may never read this, but I will guess you won't as you clearly don't think of others.I went to our local Sainsbury's today, it's not easy for me to do this, Anxiety is high for me, just the mere thought of having to go. Fear of judgement from others, as I cannot wear a… Continue reading To the Lady in Sainsburys
Today wasn’t kind
Today wasn't kind, not in a bad way, but in a way of experience, Life is an experience, every day I learn to deal with whatever my mind and body throws at me, Today was no different, yet it landed me mentally and physically exhausted. A simple trip out with my husband and three of… Continue reading Today wasn’t kind
What is Life?
I was once asked a question, of would I turn back time, they never said how far, they never gave a time point. It was a question that I feel is open ended with infinite possibilities.Turning back time, turning it back to my birth, turning the clock to off, Remove all chances of the life… Continue reading What is Life?
Lies Vs Truth
I have no set timeline, I wish I did, but my mind doesn't work that way, it flows as it pleases, I have too document as I can, I am sorry there is no true flow, Moving onI have always been taught to tell the truth, a beating would follow what she believed to be… Continue reading Lies Vs Truth
London
A memory that sits strong in my mind, a flash back that has happened more then one time, a moment that lives blurred but strong in a time of confusion. A moment with no strong timeline, I ask bare with me as I blog this memory, my first of this style, this is so hard,… Continue reading London
Laying in bed, late last night, My eyes slowly closing, I wait for peace, I wait for sleep, I wait for quiet, Moment's later, my eye's open, Hoping hours had passed, Yet nothing but a few had,I find myself in solitude, I see a wall, yet beyond nothing makes sense, I see before me a… Continue reading
A beautiful Memory
The memory, the moment, of one time, Every day reflecting in my mind, The sound of silence, Wind rushing round my body, The chill running through my veins, Freedom just moments before me, Solitude my future, Pain holding time still,The moonlight reflecting across the water, The feeling of nothingness, The water reflecting movement yet stillness,… Continue reading A beautiful Memory
Nothing Wrong Here
A saying I speak to myself daily, a saying I live by, I feel a saying I have no choice but too make my own, as every one else in this world is in a worse place then my own, I understand that, I respect that, I have it said to me enough, but I… Continue reading Nothing Wrong Here
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