Its taken me a long time to get where I am, I work on myself every day, I don't believe I will ever find myself at a place of full contentment with myself, but I know I can speak in a way that I know I make progress every single day,Today marks a big milestone… Continue reading From Crisis to Worship: A Journey Held by Grace
Tag: memories
It’s OK
I have tried for so long to try and find who I really am, but I realize now, that I will only ever find parts of myself, and I am OK with that To find out even one part, is a long process, but I am OK with that, to discover anything on this journey… Continue reading It’s OK
I did a thing
This week has been bittersweet, one of mixed emotions, starting in hell and ending in a better place. I simply cannot afford too allow myself to feel the emotions of Monday, that is something that cannot be allowed at this current time, I cannot and will not risk my Mental Health any further then it… Continue reading I did a thing
Your last Breath….
You would think I would be used to the nightmares, One's that visit nightly, it's become almost a comfort to me. Until the one's of recent. The one's that I struggle to comprehend, when there is no reason for them, those are the one's I do not wish to visit me upon an nights rest.… Continue reading Your last Breath….
Words Can Hurt
My past, is a past that has caused me so much pain and anger, from the moment I was born, it has never ended, Much lays hidden in the depths of my mind, dropping in often unexpected as a reminder of the path I have walked. One part of my journey though, has been documented… Continue reading Words Can Hurt
gift receiving
Why is gift receiving such a uncomfortable experience? As another year has passed, another dot on my existence, Another reminder that I still sit today in this world. Another Christmas gone by, I once again question life, Everything I do, questioned, every moment, Currently, I only want to create a good memory, Yet its so… Continue reading gift receiving
Forgetful
Early hours of the am, I feel the words I wish to speak, but by the morning, my mind escapes me, So I blog now, in the hope I make sense of the mind I live. At night I speak what I feel in the hope of the morrow I remember, I tell myself I… Continue reading Forgetful
Laying in bed, stating into the darkness, sleep no longer a option, Curled up under the duvet, praying sleep to come, I watch the shadows dancing in the moonlight. Anxiety starts to kick in, my tummy doing back flips, I feel sick. My mind starts to play games,You deserve this, if you hadn't have done… Continue reading
Fuck Flashbacks
90% of flash backs so far have been in home, or in privacy, a place where I can hide, A place of safety, whether in my home or in my car, or in a place were no one sees meTonight my mind played games, tonight, in front of others, I broke,I write this embarrassed and… Continue reading Fuck Flashbacks
A Mask
A hand over my mouth and nose, Forcing my mouth shut, forcing me to swallow,A hand over my mouth and nose, My breath laboured, I couldn't swallow, the tears fell, I tried to kick out, but a small child against an adult I had no choice, Swallow or lose the chance to breathe once again,… Continue reading A Mask
Room’s
Do you ever sit there and reflect on your day, do you recall the room you where in? Is it reality or is it a room of the past? I know this post will not be written as eloquently as I wish, but no longer do I care. Laying in bed, I wait for my… Continue reading Room’s
The Figure in the Mirror
I have always been told yesterday is a memory, and too look only unto tomorrow, Yet what if the yesterday comes and pay's a visit with no warning, what happen's then? What are we supposed too do? I mean, yesterday I drove a path I walked physically a year ago,I assumed I would be fine,… Continue reading The Figure in the Mirror
Self Care
I have a lot tell me that I am doing well, I have many tell me that clearly medication and therapy etc is working. I have learnt to smile sweetly, and reply sure thing dude. When in reality I want to scream that it doesn't work that way. If only it was that simple, yet… Continue reading Self Care
Control Yourself
Emotion I have always struggled with, hugs came with pain, Verbal emotion resulted in a telling off,I have never fully had the chance to understand or trust emotion, always expecting another motive,Whilst my moods and tempers as I grew, never allowed to be their own, instead, teased and mocked,Expression not allowed without a negative reaction.… Continue reading Control Yourself
Lies Vs Truth
I have no set timeline, I wish I did, but my mind doesn't work that way, it flows as it pleases, I have too document as I can, I am sorry there is no true flow, Moving onI have always been taught to tell the truth, a beating would follow what she believed to be… Continue reading Lies Vs Truth
24 hours of time
The past 24 hours has opened a world, I didn't intend on visiting, It opened a past I had kept under lock and key, a world I fear. A memory of a time, I wished to blog about, but didn't know when. Every day, became the tomorrow, the tomorrow became another time,Every excuse was heard… Continue reading 24 hours of time
Mind Games
Why do our minds play games on us, What point are our minds no longer a part of us, instead,They become something working against us, Causing us more then what we set out for. Whether that is pain, happiness, or other, it's all simply out of our control. Recently, moments of memories come into my… Continue reading Mind Games
London
A memory that sits strong in my mind, a flash back that has happened more then one time, a moment that lives blurred but strong in a time of confusion. A moment with no strong timeline, I ask bare with me as I blog this memory, my first of this style, this is so hard,… Continue reading London
Dreams
Dream's, the one thing that visits me without fail, lock down or no lock down, just another part of my life I cannot control. Dream's that come when I sleep, dream's that fill me with apprehension before my body even lays down. Fear of the unknown filling my mind. Dreams where I struggle to know… Continue reading Dreams
A beautiful Memory
The memory, the moment, of one time, Every day reflecting in my mind, The sound of silence, Wind rushing round my body, The chill running through my veins, Freedom just moments before me, Solitude my future, Pain holding time still,The moonlight reflecting across the water, The feeling of nothingness, The water reflecting movement yet stillness,… Continue reading A beautiful Memory
Sunday’s
I know for many Sunday is a day of relaxation, a day of family time, for some reason for me, Sunday's drag. I just want them to end. I don't like Sunday's! I often wondered if I had a reason unknown to me as to why, all I get though are happy memory's, Memories that… Continue reading Sunday’s
Yesterday evening, Lightning lit the night skies, with a couple of soft sounds of thunder. When Storm Denis decided it wasn't going to leave without a final strong goodbye, as very loud bangs and rumbles filled the night, it sounded like it was right out side our bedroom window, I will admit I screamed in… Continue reading
Protected: A link that cannot be broken
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Christmas
Christmas, one time I managed to turn a negative into a positive, One time I was able to make a change with now happy memories attached. Let me start from the beginning. Growing up, as soon as the Christmas music started playing in the shops, as soon as the lights lit up the town, a… Continue reading Christmas
Positive
A lot of how I post now can be influenced by others, how they see me, what they believe I should be posting about, which is cool. I have been told of recent, my posts are too negative, why don't I post positive. I had to think for a while, then I thought of the… Continue reading Positive
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