Can you ever change who you are from the inside out, or are you just putting on a mask to appease others in a situation that they deem fit to call it a disguised action? My identity as I grew was never grounded, paths taken, guided, misled, manipulated to suit others needs from the moment… Continue reading random thoughts
Tag: CPTSD
Root Cause
I have held back from here of recent, as I have tried to find my own path, refusing to sit in negative memory, refusing to be dragged back to the bad places, I couldn't work out why I was back there, my childhood traumas already dealt with, how else had I got through life without… Continue reading Root Cause
Healing
Am I ready? I don't know,Do I have a choice? Not really For this I am not afraid,For life I am, I rarely speak of my own thoughts and feelings now,As I allow the nightmares to fold over me in a cold embrace at night,As daytime I try my best support those around me, (If… Continue reading Healing
Your last Breath….
You would think I would be used to the nightmares, One's that visit nightly, it's become almost a comfort to me. Until the one's of recent. The one's that I struggle to comprehend, when there is no reason for them, those are the one's I do not wish to visit me upon an nights rest.… Continue reading Your last Breath….
Reality, what is it really? is it what we know, or is it a figment of time that we don't actually live? I no longer know, esp when my mind plays games like it did today Driving my car today, I glance around, checking the mirrors,Roads, trees, cows, the sky, fields, other traffic, Clear, sharp,… Continue reading
2006
At a time when I crave solitude and to be on my own, there was once a time, I had more then enough alone time, there was a time, I went from being in a supported unit, with people around, to nothing, pure nothing.My first proper home should have been one of joy.A home where… Continue reading 2006
Forgetful
Early hours of the am, I feel the words I wish to speak, but by the morning, my mind escapes me, So I blog now, in the hope I make sense of the mind I live. At night I speak what I feel in the hope of the morrow I remember, I tell myself I… Continue reading Forgetful
1st Step
I keep getting told to get help, but help isn't always easy to get, so many seem to think it's as simple as picking up the phone and asking for it, but sadly that's not the reality, esp in this covid ridden world right now. In Jan of 2020, a phone call, wiped me from… Continue reading 1st Step
A Glimmer of Hope
Last week, step's were made in the start of getting help, actual support, as I was referred to a service that had never been mentioned to me before, a service I could contact when in times of crisis. I held this information close, trusting I could use it, would use it, I didn't know, I… Continue reading A Glimmer of Hope
Tonight
Still feeling raw, still feeling numb, normally I wait to blog these, but whilst this feeling is still here in this moment, I will blog as I feel My brain works strange at times, today it played it's games, nothing felt right, A feeling inside I can't explain, unable to settle, I found myself pacing,… Continue reading Tonight
What is Life?
I was once asked a question, of would I turn back time, they never said how far, they never gave a time point. It was a question that I feel is open ended with infinite possibilities.Turning back time, turning it back to my birth, turning the clock to off, Remove all chances of the life… Continue reading What is Life?
Room’s
Do you ever sit there and reflect on your day, do you recall the room you where in? Is it reality or is it a room of the past? I know this post will not be written as eloquently as I wish, but no longer do I care. Laying in bed, I wait for my… Continue reading Room’s
Control Yourself
Emotion I have always struggled with, hugs came with pain, Verbal emotion resulted in a telling off,I have never fully had the chance to understand or trust emotion, always expecting another motive,Whilst my moods and tempers as I grew, never allowed to be their own, instead, teased and mocked,Expression not allowed without a negative reaction.… Continue reading Control Yourself
Clashing Worlds
2 worlds, my own love, and my husbands, both dream's, hope's and passion working along side either other, until the day came one of us had to make a choice. This path has watched me change and grow over the years, a path that scares me, as I never know were I am one moment… Continue reading Clashing Worlds
Nothing Wrong Here
A saying I speak to myself daily, a saying I live by, I feel a saying I have no choice but too make my own, as every one else in this world is in a worse place then my own, I understand that, I respect that, I have it said to me enough, but I… Continue reading Nothing Wrong Here
Self Harm.
Self Harm, a subject that is taboo to many, but one that ripples in the world, many associate it with just teenagers, the old stigma of emos and cries for help. This is not always the case, self harm can effect any one of any age. My scar's are not all new. Many faded are… Continue reading Self Harm.
peacefullyerratic.com 