Laying in the dark praying for sleep to over come me,
Instead visions plaque me, forcing themselves into the front,
I try and steady my breath, as an emotion of memories roll through my being,
I feel the duvet, I feel the roughness of the cotton against my skin,
the weight, the snugness, slowly fading into suffocation,
Crushing my chest, the blackness turning to white,
I hear wind rushing past my ears, I feel it on my skin,
I take a breath, feel a sharpness slamming me hard,
I try to sit up, yet I am already standing,
I look around me, I see nothing but water, I place my hands out,
Unsure if I am dreaming or if really here,
A duvet tells me I am dreaming, or am I really here, and the duvet just a dream,
A hope of calmness or a void of pointless want and desperation,
I take another breath, I hold to the moment, praying I know what is what,
I turn my head, I feel dizzy, yet at peace.
I recall driving over a bridge, I recall the rush, as I looked to the edge,
A reminder, a want, a pull, I was there once, I could be again,
Yet I am OK, there is nothing wrong,
I call out, for now silence echoes,
I look up, blackness, no stars, just blackness,
I turn to the side, my whole body moving,
A softness beneath me, I feel the warmth pulsating through,
My confusion strengthens, yet confidence fills my soul,
I know the meaning, I understand the feeling,
I don’t like it, Yet I am not afraid,
I just need to breathe, I need to wait,
I need to reason and I need to calm,
Dreams or reality, nightmares or life, neither are real, yet they are,
Blurred into one, in a time of which there is no reason,
I feel the duvet, I hear a sound through the silence,
I am home, I am in my bed, I am safe, I am OK,
I feel the duvet, I place my hand out to grab the edge, I take a breath,
I hold back the anxiety, I hold back the emotions, I have this,
I control it, it doesn’t control me, I force my eyes to open, I take in the shapes and shadows,
I see the two windows beside my bed, I see the shadows, I hear the wind,
I need not fear this moment, for I am safe,
I am not afraid
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