I lied, I am afraid so very afraid, as anxiety sits within so tight over the last few day’s, not once leaving my side, Meant to be working towards the positives, I am trying, but fear get’s in the way,
I am so afraid of being alone once again,
I am so afraid of waking, sleeping, no one there to talk to, no one to turn too,
No longer knowing night from day, hour after hour slipping away from me,
I am afraid of never seeing my mini human’s, as they get ripped from my arms,
Further proof of how hopeless as a human I have become, How I am not worthy of them
I am so afraid of choices being snatched away from me, decisions made for me,
Choices for my future no longer fully in my control,
Dictated by society as they deem me unfit to be me,
Choices made, that I struggle to comprehend,
Choices that break my heart and soul into a thousand pieces,
Anxiety rippling through my vein’s,
Struggling to catch my breath,
Holding my mind silent,
I sit, before my leg’s betray me,
I focus, I try so hard to focus,
The wall, the sounds of the electric fan,
The floor, anything, just something,
Instead I bite my lip, as the sinking feeling,
Overtakes my body, my stomach feeling sick,
Every hair on my body standing,
Fight or flight, Yet I have no fight left,
Standing on the edge, feeling the sense of freedom,
The only time that freedom feels like it could slip back into my grasp,
It won’t last long, but I shall embrace those few short seconds,
As this *I am not afraid* mantra of mine, no longer working,
For I am so very fucking afraid right now of the tomorrow and the here after
(I had someone with me when I took this photo, so no one panic, I am not planning anything like this, its all figure of speech to get my mind trying to understand thing’s I simply cannot)
peacefullyerratic.com 