Miss you

A while back I started to blog my childhood, I touch now on a path that causes me tears,
I have others but this is the strongest in emotions

Saturday August 18th 2001 My father left this world, a day I will never forget,
Tuesday August 18th 2020, I finally was able to say *hello* once again, after 16 yrs,
I was able to stand beside his final resting place and speak words, I wish I could have spoken in person,
Words that a parent should hear, be able to reply to,
Instead I spoke words to empty air, praying he would hear in his world.
Whilst driving the 2 hours, the rain fell heavy, When leaving, the rain fell heavy,
Yet whilst sat by his side the sun poured over us, the light beautiful,
I pray he was watching over us, glad we were able to clear up his final resting place,
Place flowers from myself, my brother and my sister,
The roses my sisters, the purple my brother, the red myself, each chosen carefully,
Each chosen with meaning and love.

A child should never bury a parent, should never suffer the pain of losing one so close,
But this is life,
It brings a lifetime of memories, it brings a time of love, peace and contentment,
Yet it causes tears and regrets, it causes pain, it causes heartbreak.

I wish my father was here to see in person his grandchildren,
I wish he could feel their warmth and love,
I wish he could hear their laughter,
Like wise, I wish they knew his voice and not just words I speak,
I wish they knew his face, and not just a photo,

I sit and remember a moment, and I remember his voice,
Wishing the family I have now could hear it
Wish I had his support, his points of annoyance,
Hell I would take his bollocking’s, just to have him here once again!

Life is meant to be a gift yet it is so cruel.

No matter what, I will never forget the man who brought me into this world,
I will always love and respect him no matter what.

No one in life is perfect, many may have bad memories,
Yet mine are amazing, please don’t ruin them for me,
Is all I ask.

If you are reading this as a child with a parent alive,
Never hold them for granted, Always respect them,
Always appreciate what you have, because it can be gone in the blink of a moment,
Never regret, just love and appreciate,

I understand some will never know their birth father,
I write this with awareness, and regret, I apologise for this,
Just trust sometimes stuff is done for reason, but I understand it hurt’s.

Either way, I reflect now on my own beginnings,

Daddy, I am not alone in saying,
We love and Miss you, always will.

I hope I can speak for my sibling’s in this,
If not I am sorry xxx