A Mask

A hand over my mouth and nose, Forcing my mouth shut, forcing me to swallow,
A hand over my mouth and nose, My breath laboured, I couldn’t swallow, the tears fell,
I tried to kick out, but a small child against an adult I had no choice,
Swallow or lose the chance to breathe once again,

Years later, a hand over my mouth and nose, Shhh now, No noise,
Shhh now it will be fine, you want this, shhh now, silence or this will hurt,
More then once, I soon learnt this meant to behave or my breath will be stolen forever,

Time moves forward, a different hand, a harder hand,
A threat of not leaving that place, as the hand came down harder, Silence,
Do as you are told, your breath is mine now, I control you,
Do as you are told, and your breath will come again soon,

Just 3 moments, Yet I could talk of at least 3 more,
Moment’s, moments of being forced into silence, moments of breath stolen,
Moments of my mouth being forced to be be silenced to ensure others are happy,
Mouth covered, nose held, control taken, fear comes and goes as with the tide,

Memories of the past flash forward each time,
Will this be the time my breath is taken for a final time,
Or will I be gifted the chance to breathe again until the next time,

I never knew, I just silently prayed, I allowed my body to be used,
Anything to ensure my survival, pain flooding through my soul,
In every way, physical, Mental, Emotional,

Today, asked to cover my face to ensure survival of others,
A fear of a virus that has little chance of being near,
Yet years of pain and torture I have to suffer in reminders,
Flash backs, both emotional and mentally, to ensure others are safe,

I respect the need, I understand how society is, I respect the potential risks,
But I also understand that social media forces the negative over the positive,
I realise that washing my hands walking into a shop where I plan to touch nothing,
Does nothing other then reassure a mind that is scared of a unseen moment.

A mask over my face, for the 0.65% of catching a virus,
A 0.65% chance of catching a virus, yet a 80% chance of suffering a severe panic attack,
Yet I have to go with the 80% and hope I can come out the other side OK,

I will stay home more, I will put my own mental well being behind me,
I no longer care for it, happy to put others first as always,
Yet, Please I ask, do not see a person without a mask, and instantly think selfish,

Instead see a person without a mask and ask yourself
What trauma makes them suffer, How can I help, How can I support,

I understand the world today is a strange time of uncertainty,
Please, remember for some of us, the yesterday is still today,
The yesterday sits with us, we need guidance not judgement,
We need support not rejection, We want this over with too,
But why should we risk our own mental health with it?

A hand over my mouth and nose, a feeling, a sensation,
A mask over my face, a feeling a sensation,
Worlds apart, yet restricting,
Worlds apart, yet connected,
A reminder, a moment of what is reality, what is a memory

because sometimes, to pull the two apart is nothing more then a dream.