Sitting in silence, Solitude at home,
Only the sound of the wind on the window,
Music playing softly in the background,
Fighting the knot inside, arguing with the demons who sit aside,
I close my eyes for a moment, breathing, I try to hold back,
Feeling emotion running through my body, as my mind revisits a moment,
A moment of time, a moment of my life I wish never to re walk,
Yet my mind has it’s own mind, one which likes to play games,
Reminding me of a pain once walked, a pain that will never leave,
Whilst a reminder of the sort of person I am,
One who causes the pain, anger and hate,
Deserves the pain she gets in return, understands her path,
A path of self destruction, a path of lost hope, a lost future,
A past that can never be undone, regret and self loathing,
A fear for the childhood that has gone, regret of so many moments,
A time that can never be replaced,
Instead, they say make the future better,
Make up for lost time, Yet how can a future be better,
When nothing changes, when pain is daily,
When demons are your best friends, When you know nothing else,
What is the point,
Negativity flowing through veins, dominating, controlling,
Look for the light they say, it will get better they say,
Every bad turn must turn to the good,
I question the the strength of such a statement,
When bad always come’s back around.
Nothing changes, struggles get harder, hurdles get bigger.
When pain, negativity, and anger are your only known for longer then not,
When these three thing’s are now your comfort,
I loathe it, I loathe myself for it,
but now I am at the point of no longer caring,
I am past caring, I accept my path, I accept the pain, I accept the fear,
I understand it, I stand with it, I embrace it.
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