Sleep isn’t a friend that visits much, unsettled nights flitting between dreams and nightmares, each as bad as the last, many related to people of past but never re-walking a memory. Yet last night my mind played a new one on me, a nightmare worse then I can recall for many a time, a nightmare I was frozen from waking from, a nightmare, that didn’t send me into a panic, didn’t cause my body to move, or breathe differently, Just trapped in a world I couldn’t escape from.
Standing at a train station, no money for tickets, yet I am already at the destination, looking around me seeing so many people, the station, trains, but no exits, ignoring the people in the booth, confused on where I am, I walk towards a door, a door that leads to a corridor, a corridor with glass windows, windows showing a brief glimpse of outside before the next corridor, curving down and around. Opening the door stepping inside, behind me was gone, lost, nothingness. Walking down steps, people running towards me, around me, masked, it looked like a hospital but it wasn’t. On the floor pools of blood, splatters of blood up the walls, voices so many voices calling out, but nothing made sense. Stepping over the blood I continue down the corridors, constantly going down, until I find myself at the bottom of steps, laid out in a semi circle, the walls behind me curving to reflect. Looking down on the floor, the blood continues. Looking around so many people, yet I felt so alone, hearing everything, yet hearing nothing. I notice a door, I walk towards it, still avoiding the mess on the floor, walking outside I find myself back were I started, standing for a moment, wondering what the point was, wondering what was happening, trees surrounded the paved court yard, again no way out, a black iron fence between the trees and the yard, the door to the corridor the only way out. Without thinking I start to walk again, fear slowly kicking in as I finally find myself in a room.
Time flickers, the room is bathed in a warm glow from a small window, the door has gone, I see my back in a mirror, shards of glass rip through my upper body, blood flowing, my skin torn open, pain tearing through my body, the shirt I was wearing ripped, my arms red, the mirror distorted yet the red so clear, I reach behind to try to remove the glass, when,
Suddenly I am pulled and find myself on a train, sitting in a old carriage, people around me dressed in old fashioned clothing, I look up see a lady hitting a clock to make it work, 1205 flashes up. I look to the man sat on the chair beside me, ask me how am I here, I have no money for a ticket, he responds I will pay for you. I look down expecting to see red as the pain in my body still flowed, yet instead I see an outfit to match everyone else, blended in, a glow a soft glow, I see the room, I see the mirror, I see the glass and the blood, the glow and I return to the train, I ask the man where are we going.
No Where, this is the end was his simple reply, the end to what I enquire, No response as he turned away smiling. I felt fear, I felt alone so so alone.
Waking slowly from the nightmare, it took me a moment to work out where I was, laying there looking at the wall, working out what house I was in, who was in the house, where the house even was.
I thought I preferred nightmares over confusion, I think I would prefer to never sleep then see those visions again.
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