Im not afraid, my mantra over the last 3 years,the one that I whisper,as a panic attack rolls like a wave over me,as the blade used to dig into my skin,as my world was torn from beneath me, wording to reassure the chaos in my mind im not afraid of my past,im not afraid of… Continue reading I’m Not Afraid
Tag: panic attack
Laying in bed, stating into the darkness, sleep no longer a option, Curled up under the duvet, praying sleep to come, I watch the shadows dancing in the moonlight. Anxiety starts to kick in, my tummy doing back flips, I feel sick. My mind starts to play games,You deserve this, if you hadn't have done… Continue reading
Today wasn’t kind
Today wasn't kind, not in a bad way, but in a way of experience, Life is an experience, every day I learn to deal with whatever my mind and body throws at me, Today was no different, yet it landed me mentally and physically exhausted. A simple trip out with my husband and three of… Continue reading Today wasn’t kind
A Mask
A hand over my mouth and nose, Forcing my mouth shut, forcing me to swallow,A hand over my mouth and nose, My breath laboured, I couldn't swallow, the tears fell, I tried to kick out, but a small child against an adult I had no choice, Swallow or lose the chance to breathe once again,… Continue reading A Mask
What is Life?
I was once asked a question, of would I turn back time, they never said how far, they never gave a time point. It was a question that I feel is open ended with infinite possibilities.Turning back time, turning it back to my birth, turning the clock to off, Remove all chances of the life… Continue reading What is Life?
Laying in bed, late last night, My eyes slowly closing, I wait for peace, I wait for sleep, I wait for quiet, Moment's later, my eye's open, Hoping hours had passed, Yet nothing but a few had,I find myself in solitude, I see a wall, yet beyond nothing makes sense, I see before me a… Continue reading
Nothing Wrong Here
A saying I speak to myself daily, a saying I live by, I feel a saying I have no choice but too make my own, as every one else in this world is in a worse place then my own, I understand that, I respect that, I have it said to me enough, but I… Continue reading Nothing Wrong Here
Yesterday evening, Lightning lit the night skies, with a couple of soft sounds of thunder. When Storm Denis decided it wasn't going to leave without a final strong goodbye, as very loud bangs and rumbles filled the night, it sounded like it was right out side our bedroom window, I will admit I screamed in… Continue reading
One Vision
Often flashbacks pay me a visit, often without warning, flashbacks remind me of the path I have walked, I feel uncomfortable, I hate the vision, I hate the emotion, I hate the fear, I loathe the control as it takes over me. I have learnt to disguise them from daily life, act as if nothing… Continue reading One Vision
Nightmares or reality?
When you head to bed, hoping to wake refreshed in the morning, hoping a night of bliss brings you relaxation and a new day, Bur, what if instead, you head to bed, and you find yourself in a world where you question reality, question dreams, fear is strong, nothing makes sense, yet everything is happening… Continue reading Nightmares or reality?
Pain, Fear, Anger
Sitting in silence, Solitude at home, Only the sound of the wind on the window, Music playing softly in the background,Fighting the knot inside, arguing with the demons who sit aside, I close my eyes for a moment, breathing, I try to hold back, Feeling emotion running through my body, as my mind revisits a… Continue reading Pain, Fear, Anger
What is reality
I seek attention, yet I self loathe, I seek to brag, yet I shy away from people in person, I seek to glamouize suicide, yet my story is that of only a fight for survival, I hide my arms, my raw cuts, my scars, pulling my sleeves lower when people's heads turn, Yet I demand… Continue reading What is reality
One week ago I became best friends with my demons, One week ago today, this time, this moment., I took the path of deciding to want to end my life, physically and mentally crossing a barrier, One week ago I was on the most serious path of self destruction I have ever walked. I stated… Continue reading
Becoming friends with my demons.
Monday 14th October, I decided to force myself into going outside my safe zone, dearly wanting to see a friend, who never comes to my home, I decided to push myself too far. Leaving the home, going to town, getting a taxi, anxiety simmering away inside, going to the next town, expecting to see her… Continue reading Becoming friends with my demons.
Pain
I guess I should give this post a trigger warning, I have no idea. I am at a loss what is real, what is a concern or what is normal any more. Friday night, anxiety kicked in hard and fast, reason and logic left my mind, No control, no emotion just pure self loathing taking… Continue reading Pain
I just want it to stop.
I had it all planned out, I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, but my mind did the normal of let's throw this all out of the window, lets turn you into a blank idiot, were nothing makes sense and what you want no longer matters, Yet all I wanted… Continue reading I just want it to stop.
Panic Attack 3/06/19
A saying you hear of often, yet one few understand. I always assumed panic attack and anxiety attacks were the same thing. Unfortunately for me yesterday I found out they are in fact two very different things.A anxiety attack builds over time, its not as intense, still not nice, but not as heavy and can… Continue reading Panic Attack 3/06/19
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