Sitting in silence, Solitude at home, Only the sound of the wind on the window, Music playing softly in the background,Fighting the knot inside, arguing with the demons who sit aside, I close my eyes for a moment, breathing, I try to hold back, Feeling emotion running through my body, as my mind revisits a… Continue reading Pain, Fear, Anger
Tag: life
Positive
A lot of how I post now can be influenced by others, how they see me, what they believe I should be posting about, which is cool. I have been told of recent, my posts are too negative, why don't I post positive. I had to think for a while, then I thought of the… Continue reading Positive
I am not afraid to say I am afraid
Further more to the post I attempted a few days ago!! I used to be able to let words flow, Sit and let my fingers let go, releasing pain, releasing emotion, Tears would fall, blurred visions, typing not perfect, yet it was my safe space, hidden for so long, I braved my soul and opened… Continue reading I am not afraid to say I am afraid
What is reality
I seek attention, yet I self loathe, I seek to brag, yet I shy away from people in person, I seek to glamouize suicide, yet my story is that of only a fight for survival, I hide my arms, my raw cuts, my scars, pulling my sleeves lower when people's heads turn, Yet I demand… Continue reading What is reality
Becoming friends with my demons.
Monday 14th October, I decided to force myself into going outside my safe zone, dearly wanting to see a friend, who never comes to my home, I decided to push myself too far. Leaving the home, going to town, getting a taxi, anxiety simmering away inside, going to the next town, expecting to see her… Continue reading Becoming friends with my demons.
Time is Futile
When your small, time is long, the future ahead seems so far ahead, everything seems like its lasting forever, yet coming out the other side and into adult hood, time becomes something that just seems to be over in the blink of an eye. Standing as a small child, light blonde hair scrapped back into… Continue reading Time is Futile
Protected: Dear Oldest Girl Child
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Nothingness
Stood on the edge, Looking down below her, far below her, nothingness, No longer afraid, Led to this point by despair.Tears falling, her mind clear, Darkness that controls her, waiting, just waiting, Pushing away the light, finding comfort in the darknessHer mind enforcing on her self loathing. Encouraging it, embracing it. Stood on the edge,… Continue reading Nothingness
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 4
This is going to be the hardest for me to write, thankfully its short, but even so..... June 2003 Social Services got in touch wanted to see me and H. Wanted the to meet with out my mother around. This wasn't easy but I managed to do it. The meeting with this social worker boiled… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 4
2 attempts 3 WTF’s….
Maybe not the best title, but on reflection is anything right anymore, is anything the right way to do anything? 2nd April, I hit the point of no return, finding myself on a path, My intention to rid the world of my existence,10th April, I wanted to walk, walk until I was numb, walk until… Continue reading 2 attempts 3 WTF’s….
I just want it to stop.
I had it all planned out, I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do, but my mind did the normal of let's throw this all out of the window, lets turn you into a blank idiot, were nothing makes sense and what you want no longer matters, Yet all I wanted… Continue reading I just want it to stop.
Detached reality
ok before I start 1) I'm on the rum and 2) I dont want to turn this into a lifestyle blog or a blog about my life in general. Yet this post sort of covers that. Detached reality , this is what I have become and I struggle to understand this feeling. Standing alone yet… Continue reading Detached reality
I am just me
I don’t share my story to seek assiduity, I don’t show my wounds to seek solace. I seek solitude, I know my path, I am soon to walk that path, I chose to share my journey for nothing more than to remind those who have forgotten, I am a person with a heart, a person… Continue reading I am just me
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 3
This post comes with one beautiful positive and two terrifying negatives, both held strong in my memory. Ill start with the positive but that's mainly due to it being the first moment to happen between the two. The latter sadly leads to a even bigger chapter that happened to cause my life to almost shatter… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 3
Dreams
Some people say dreams have meanings, others say they are just random thoughts, some say they are from another life. Dreams for me, used to be one of escape, one of no fear. Then they grew more recently to nightmares, ones that shake me from a deep sleep in a panic, ones were I find… Continue reading Dreams
A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 2
Friday January 14th 2000 Chapter 1 can be viewed hereThe little bundle hadn't arrived when expected, so it was time for the eviction notice to take place. The date was set, my bags packed and my transport to the hospital sorted. I had a last min scan to ensure all was OK, sent to a… Continue reading A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 2
When is a truth a truth or a lie?
As a child you get told to tell the truth. It's something I try and teach my children every day, truth and respect, I have learnt to tell when they are lying, from this they have 2 chances to turn it round to the truth or discipline comes down hard, very rarely has it come… Continue reading When is a truth a truth or a lie?
A New Path 2/4/19
Tues 2nd April 2019, After months of me being in a strange place, everything took a downhill spiral to the point of no return, I don't know what caused it. I just know what happened on that day to a point. I did wonder if any point to writing this, then I realize it's all… Continue reading A New Path 2/4/19
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