Can you ever change who you are from the inside out, or are you just putting on a mask to appease others in a situation that they deem fit to call it a disguised action? My identity as I grew was never grounded, paths taken, guided, misled, manipulated to suit others needs from the moment… Continue reading random thoughts
Tag: health
Friendships
I won't deny I struggle with friends, social interactions are difficult for me, I muddle through but often with detrimental effect, Never learn? Nope, when I am never shown another way, nor am I corrected, why would I learn?Until one day, back in 2007, my husband introduced me to a friend he held dear. Meeting… Continue reading Friendships
Nightmares or reality?
When you head to bed, hoping to wake refreshed in the morning, hoping a night of bliss brings you relaxation and a new day, Bur, what if instead, you head to bed, and you find yourself in a world where you question reality, question dreams, fear is strong, nothing makes sense, yet everything is happening… Continue reading Nightmares or reality?
What is reality
I seek attention, yet I self loathe, I seek to brag, yet I shy away from people in person, I seek to glamouize suicide, yet my story is that of only a fight for survival, I hide my arms, my raw cuts, my scars, pulling my sleeves lower when people's heads turn, Yet I demand… Continue reading What is reality
One week ago I became best friends with my demons, One week ago today, this time, this moment., I took the path of deciding to want to end my life, physically and mentally crossing a barrier, One week ago I was on the most serious path of self destruction I have ever walked. I stated… Continue reading
Becoming friends with my demons.
Monday 14th October, I decided to force myself into going outside my safe zone, dearly wanting to see a friend, who never comes to my home, I decided to push myself too far. Leaving the home, going to town, getting a taxi, anxiety simmering away inside, going to the next town, expecting to see her… Continue reading Becoming friends with my demons.
They say that one thing you can do to help yourself move on, is to avoid triggers. I have two issues with this. How can you avoid something that doesn't exist until it's there, and only when it is there does it exist, by which time it's often to late and emotions, reactions take over.… Continue reading
Flashback
Flashbacks for me are done in a situation that mean nothing, but my mind playing games with me, today was different, today I ended up feeling physically sick but yet again had to hide my feelings, as the situation was so hard. This morning a planned meeting, one of a serious nature, but one that… Continue reading Flashback
*I’m Fine, But I’m not OK* 11/5/19
This was a day of very high emotion, a day where my husband saw me at the lowest, a day that I wish I could change, but I can't do that, so reflecting and moving on, is all I can at least try to do May 10th 2019. That knot hit me hard again. Despite… Continue reading *I’m Fine, But I’m not OK* 11/5/19
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