That word that is being used against me once again, a word that is used as a weapon in my world to stop me moving forward, a word that no matter how i use it, its wrong, always so wrong, to the point i question everything once again.2022 I started a private therapy to help… Continue reading Therapy
Tag: anxiety
Root Cause
I have held back from here of recent, as I have tried to find my own path, refusing to sit in negative memory, refusing to be dragged back to the bad places, I couldn't work out why I was back there, my childhood traumas already dealt with, how else had I got through life without… Continue reading Root Cause
I did a thing
This week has been bittersweet, one of mixed emotions, starting in hell and ending in a better place. I simply cannot afford too allow myself to feel the emotions of Monday, that is something that cannot be allowed at this current time, I cannot and will not risk my Mental Health any further then it… Continue reading I did a thing
I’m Not Afraid
Im not afraid, my mantra over the last 3 years,the one that I whisper,as a panic attack rolls like a wave over me,as the blade used to dig into my skin,as my world was torn from beneath me, wording to reassure the chaos in my mind im not afraid of my past,im not afraid of… Continue reading I’m Not Afraid
Nope, I lied
I lied, I am afraid so very afraid, as anxiety sits within so tight over the last few day's, not once leaving my side, Meant to be working towards the positives, I am trying, but fear get's in the way, I am so afraid of being alone once again, I am so afraid of waking,… Continue reading Nope, I lied
Words Can Hurt
My past, is a past that has caused me so much pain and anger, from the moment I was born, it has never ended, Much lays hidden in the depths of my mind, dropping in often unexpected as a reminder of the path I have walked. One part of my journey though, has been documented… Continue reading Words Can Hurt
Have you ever just stood there, in any location, and wondered how? Have you ever looked around you, in any place, and thought, what?Have you ever just sat and looked at someone and wondered, Who?Today, Stood in the middle of a supermarket, I look at my husband, I look around me, and nothing feels real,… Continue reading
Hauntingly Silent
I have been silent once again here, My life is taken over by everyone and everything else, Yet, one thing I am able to do, is something I have wanted to do for so long,Yet, for many reasons, I have had to wait, confidence being the main one, Yet now is the time, Now is… Continue reading Hauntingly Silent
Laying in bed, stating into the darkness, sleep no longer a option, Curled up under the duvet, praying sleep to come, I watch the shadows dancing in the moonlight. Anxiety starts to kick in, my tummy doing back flips, I feel sick. My mind starts to play games,You deserve this, if you hadn't have done… Continue reading
1st Step
I keep getting told to get help, but help isn't always easy to get, so many seem to think it's as simple as picking up the phone and asking for it, but sadly that's not the reality, esp in this covid ridden world right now. In Jan of 2020, a phone call, wiped me from… Continue reading 1st Step
Not Worth Saving
3 words, just 3 simple words that suddenly hit home when writing a post on a forum, 3 words that flowed from my fingers before I knew what I was writing. Words that suddenly brought tears, understanding and a feeling of calm for a moment. I understand now, I understand A young toddler, stood watching… Continue reading Not Worth Saving
A Mask
A hand over my mouth and nose, Forcing my mouth shut, forcing me to swallow,A hand over my mouth and nose, My breath laboured, I couldn't swallow, the tears fell, I tried to kick out, but a small child against an adult I had no choice, Swallow or lose the chance to breathe once again,… Continue reading A Mask
What is Life?
I was once asked a question, of would I turn back time, they never said how far, they never gave a time point. It was a question that I feel is open ended with infinite possibilities.Turning back time, turning it back to my birth, turning the clock to off, Remove all chances of the life… Continue reading What is Life?
Room’s
Do you ever sit there and reflect on your day, do you recall the room you where in? Is it reality or is it a room of the past? I know this post will not be written as eloquently as I wish, but no longer do I care. Laying in bed, I wait for my… Continue reading Room’s
The Figure in the Mirror
I have always been told yesterday is a memory, and too look only unto tomorrow, Yet what if the yesterday comes and pay's a visit with no warning, what happen's then? What are we supposed too do? I mean, yesterday I drove a path I walked physically a year ago,I assumed I would be fine,… Continue reading The Figure in the Mirror
Self Care
I have a lot tell me that I am doing well, I have many tell me that clearly medication and therapy etc is working. I have learnt to smile sweetly, and reply sure thing dude. When in reality I want to scream that it doesn't work that way. If only it was that simple, yet… Continue reading Self Care
Clashing Worlds
2 worlds, my own love, and my husbands, both dream's, hope's and passion working along side either other, until the day came one of us had to make a choice. This path has watched me change and grow over the years, a path that scares me, as I never know were I am one moment… Continue reading Clashing Worlds
Lies Vs Truth
I have no set timeline, I wish I did, but my mind doesn't work that way, it flows as it pleases, I have too document as I can, I am sorry there is no true flow, Moving onI have always been taught to tell the truth, a beating would follow what she believed to be… Continue reading Lies Vs Truth
24 hours of time
The past 24 hours has opened a world, I didn't intend on visiting, It opened a past I had kept under lock and key, a world I fear. A memory of a time, I wished to blog about, but didn't know when. Every day, became the tomorrow, the tomorrow became another time,Every excuse was heard… Continue reading 24 hours of time
Mind Games
Why do our minds play games on us, What point are our minds no longer a part of us, instead,They become something working against us, Causing us more then what we set out for. Whether that is pain, happiness, or other, it's all simply out of our control. Recently, moments of memories come into my… Continue reading Mind Games
Laying in bed, late last night, My eyes slowly closing, I wait for peace, I wait for sleep, I wait for quiet, Moment's later, my eye's open, Hoping hours had passed, Yet nothing but a few had,I find myself in solitude, I see a wall, yet beyond nothing makes sense, I see before me a… Continue reading
Dreams
Dream's, the one thing that visits me without fail, lock down or no lock down, just another part of my life I cannot control. Dream's that come when I sleep, dream's that fill me with apprehension before my body even lays down. Fear of the unknown filling my mind. Dreams where I struggle to know… Continue reading Dreams
A beautiful Memory
The memory, the moment, of one time, Every day reflecting in my mind, The sound of silence, Wind rushing round my body, The chill running through my veins, Freedom just moments before me, Solitude my future, Pain holding time still,The moonlight reflecting across the water, The feeling of nothingness, The water reflecting movement yet stillness,… Continue reading A beautiful Memory
Digital Art
Many know me as a photographer, but way before photography, I learned digital art, it was a a natural progression from *standard* art. I once was able to get a place in art college via a portfolio I had built up, but sadly due to home life, it had to be turned down. At the… Continue reading Digital Art
Nothing Wrong Here
A saying I speak to myself daily, a saying I live by, I feel a saying I have no choice but too make my own, as every one else in this world is in a worse place then my own, I understand that, I respect that, I have it said to me enough, but I… Continue reading Nothing Wrong Here
peacefullyerratic.com 