Pick and Choose Mental Health

After ranting at my husband for the last 15 mins, I need to vent on here as I am confused about something, and need/want clarification, though I know I won’t get it, unless someone wants to email me their thoughts! This won’t be a long post.

Since exploring this mental health world, and the effects of CPTSD & EUPD, I have learnt from many of the books I have read, the thing’s I have been told by professionals in the mental health world, and videos I have watched, that in effect, my brain as a child was created and wired differently from a child with a normal upbringing. Years of abuse leading to a brain that struggles with thing’s such as emotional regulation and reactions to situations.
I believe this is mental health?

Now my question is this, the other week in couples therapy, my husband was asked a question by the therapist lady, and I instantly took a part of the response as a negative. I truly believe that is because my brain is wired that way, and whilst seeing the negative, will then work through it, as negative is all I am used too, so expect it now.
The therapist, when I stated this, turned round and stated clearly, I am not to use my mental health as an excuse for hearing the negative only.
I am confused, and almost bothered by this statement. And its played on my mind for the last few weeks, so I want it down here to make sense of, not that I will, I don’t think

IF my brain had been wired like a normal person, then I would have heard it differently, I would have heard the positive that she had heard, So surely my mental health is too blame.
She has stated I can not use my mental health as an excuse for many thing’s, so I ask, Am I supposed to pick and chose when I use my mental health as an excuse for a reaction, if this is the case, at what points can I use it as an excuse, and what points is it not acceptable?
If this is how it is too be, then surely I have no mental health issues, if I have to react like a normal person in some situations, and then others I am allowed to blame CPTSD or EUPD. But which situations? If I can pick and choose then surely this is a piss take on mental health and I am mocking it and using it to beneifit, almost like faking it when it suits?

I am still very much in a place struggling to learn how to regulate, and deal with these emotions, being thrown into the deep end of couples therapy with no support has messed with my head badly, and I struggle at the end to manage the emotions I am being handed. Can I blame my mental health for that, or do I have to react like a normal person, But surely if I react like a normal person, then I am just that, and I don’t have any mental health issues?

In which case do I not have CPTSD / EUPD? Because that is mental health, and I didn’t think you can pick and chose mental health? because by hell, who wants this shit, I surely don’t!!! But many professionals have stated I do, yet one therapist lady who is a couples therapist has made me question everything…. my husband could shake her comments off, I can’t….
His brain is normal, mine isn’t…..

Oh fuck I am confused.

Do I pick and choose the moments, or do I just roll with it, and see where life takes me?