My past, is a past that has caused me so much pain and anger, from the moment I was born, it has never ended, Much lays hidden in the depths of my mind, dropping in often unexpected as a reminder of the path I have walked.
One part of my journey though, has been documented in words for years, folders, so many folders, just sitting there, a physical weight on my shoulders and mind.
They say words cannot hurt you, yet when you have in black and white years of type, on paper, moments spoken of, documented by professional’s, moments of great distress, moments of fear, moments were I have been so low, moments of words of others whom were so spiteful their lies sit engrained in memory as I can never forgive those who wronged me, moments I wish to forget, then yes words can hurt you,
No the words do not physically hurt you, I ask you remember, Mental health, Mental pain is just as real as someone stabbing you through the heart.
Take a blade, fill it with words, and use that to damage my body, For me that is this pain.
I wanted rid of this burden, I wanted it gone from my life, I didn’t know how, or did I keep it in the just maybe chance I need it one day, but why would I need to go back through years of papers, of a time gone, one never to be re-walked. The past simply cannot be changed. Throwing it in the bin was not an option, so many personal details, so many moments that needed to be gone from this world.
This morning, A fire burned in my garden, as I watched those words that had haunted me for so long turn to ash, hours tearing up the time of my life that brought me nothing but pain and anger, regret and such hatred towards myself, watching the flames slowly burning bigger and brighter with every piece placed on top.
A story I briefly touch upon on in this blog, words I wondered if I should save for a time I may need them as proof, yet why do I need proof, whom I am today shows more then this ever could.
Do I feel better for it having gone? I wish I could say yes, wish I could say I cried with some emotion, wish I could say I felt at ease, anything, yet I felt nothing.
Did I do the right thing? As chose to be left with just one small plastic envelope of letters that will stay with me in bittersweet memories.
Until I can understand whether I did right or wrong with this, I shall just be glad I don’t have to fall over that case of paperwork every day, for now Ill be glad I won’t have to wake in the morning, laying my eyes on it instantly, that constant reminder is gone from my home.
The mind will take longer, if I allow it to keep going, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
And I would like to thank WordPress for making a balls up on how the images are looking in this post, this is NOT how they look in drafts 
peacefullyerratic.com 