Today wasn’t kind, not in a bad way, but in a way of experience,
Life is an experience, every day I learn to deal with whatever my mind and body throws at me,
Today was no different, yet it landed me mentally and physically exhausted.
A simple trip out with my husband and three of our children, A short trip,
A trip out for lunch, then to a shop to search for a product for our home.
The first part easy, nothing surreal, the journey to the shop, uneventful,
Walking up the stairs, normal, a day in a shop as a family,
Until my husband had to leave me for a moment, I felt OK,
When suddenly, I started to feel sick, my heart started pounding,
Two children in my care, I start to realise I need out of here,
I grab one’s hand, I pull, stating I need to leave, My breath coming faster,
My thoughts racing, I head fast for what I thought was an exit,
Meeting nothing but damn covid signs warning me of potential risk,
I realise the next few moments were not going to be easy,
Grabbing the small hand tighter, I start to race,
Her feet falling under her, I scream I need to get out,
Strangers faces looking, no kind words, just judging stares,
The tears start to fall, my body starts to shake,
Everything a blur, I needed out, yet the exit was not near,
Retracing my steps, I finally see outside, running, not aware, I find a wall,
I stop to try and breathe, my body wanting to curl up and ignore the world,
Instead I had to try and focus, two small people beside me,
Where was my car? Where was I? Leaning on a wall,
So many people around me, No one stopping,
All consumed with their own world, whilst I felt like mine was ending.
So many masked faces, a blur as I looked around,
Fear pulsating through my soul, as nothing meant anything,
I somehow managed to push past queues of people,
Tears flowing, body tense, breathing harsh,
Holding the hands of my little people,
To my car I managed to go, but it was hard, not knowing,
Needing reassurance, needing comfort, but it wasn’t there,
Finally unlocking my car I was able to sit,
Able to reason with my thoughts, but the shaking wouldn’t stop,
My body just wanting to curl in a ball,
I had to drive home, I wanted to run, I wanted to scream,
I wanted to cry,
But for my little people I had to hold tight
I am not afraid
peacefullyerratic.com 