A Precious Life Changing Memory : Chapter 2

Friday January 14th 2000

Chapter 1 can be viewed here
The little bundle hadn’t arrived when expected, so it was time for the eviction notice to take place. The date was set, my bags packed and my transport to the hospital sorted. I had a last min scan to ensure all was OK, sent to a ward and informed that in the morning I would be sent down for things to start off. It was 7pm and I was starving, I was handed a plate of chips and beans, followed by a bowl of rice pudding, followed by cake and jelly, I was stuffed but happy!

I won’t drag the next day on, every detail isn’t needed as public knowledge, even though I recall 80% of it. Labor and a child’s arrival into this world is personal, something private, that’s how it shall remain.
All I will say is:

I wasn’t quite with it throughout and after, wonky epidural, high on gas and air and thinking that the midwifes were causing me to be in pain, not the bundle making his way into this world, screaming obscenities a sailor would be proud of, finally on:

January 15th at 4:11am weighing 7lb 8ozs,
My bundle was finally in my arms.

I was handed a messy screaming bundle, I was in awe and instantly in love, holding him close, I felt something I had never felt. He was taken by a midwife to be cleaned up and instead of being handed back to me, he was handed to my mother, first grandchild she could see being born, a good thing right? Nope, as this was her moment not mine, this was her proudest time, not mine, this was the moment she became a women of importance, she had a newborn baby, screw the birthing mother.
The next couple of hours wasn’t easy for me, I wasn’t offered to handle my new bundle, instead he was offered to the grandmother constantly, were she was able to hold him during the most important bonding moments. (Though again on looking back, through the haze I have a feeling the midwives were not given a choice, my mother can be very domineering of any situation)
Upon being taken back to the ward, I fell asleep, exhausted, led to believe he would lay in the cradle beside me. Instead I learn after, she had taken this chance to hold him as much as she could, taking those precious moments from me.
By the time I was awake and showered, she was making arrangements for us to return home asap. We were picked up at 830am, by a family friend. In discomfort and feeling exhausted I thought I was going to be going home. No car seat, I was shoved in the back of a 3 door car with a massive Alsatian (thankfully she was the soppiest dog possible) and 15 mins later we pulled up at a supermarket. What was going on, your taking me shopping now? Hang on, Back up a moment, this wasn’t the plan? No it wasn’t my plan but it was their’s. Their aim to put a 5 hour old baby in a trolley seat and parade him around the supermarket like a show piece, I was tagging along some were behind before giving up, finding a seat and letting them get on with it. Everyone cooing over H, saying how gorgeous he was, I wanted to be the proud mummy saying thank you, look but don’t touch, but that was taken from me. As I find us all in the cafe having coffee, as H was handled by strangers. I held on though as I believed when home, I could have H all to myself.

We arrived home finally around 1130am, I wanted to shower and sit in bed just holding him, Firstly putting H down on my bed, I headed into the bathroom, I heard footsteps, my sister came flying up the stairs, I felt panic rise, I wanted to the one to hand him to her and say meet your nephew. Instead again a moment removed from me as I hear her check him over before placing him down and going again.
When I got back downstairs, my sister no where to be seen, my mother wanted to show him to the neighbors. I had two choices drag along behind her exhausted or let her go alone. I chose the former.
It was early evening when peace finally came and I was able to spend time with H. I knew my brother and his girlfriend were coming round. They had a lot more respect and waited till I said here have a baby. They never admitted it but you could see they were smitten!

I did to get to spend time with H over his time with me, I made sure he was in my bed every night, or as close to me as possible. When we went to town and to our regular cafe I made sure I was the one handing him over to show off. Mary came to visit, then he made his first visit to the church at a couple of weeks old, where I was happy to hand him over and allow him to be pass the parcel.

The first few weeks were not easy, emotions running high, getting used to a new life, trying to be a part time mum when allowed by my own mother and so on, but on the plus side becoming a mummy was an amazing moment, yes I was young, 17 when I fell pregnant and 18 when he arrived. Circumstances I wish were different, but put those aside, having that little bundle in my life, I wouldn’t change for the world.

Like I said before and will repeat with most posts, these journals are to document the important moments in my life, ones that changed me as a person. The ones with H will take time and I wish them to be broken down to smaller chunks, easier for me to process,

So I’ll leave this one here and I’ll move onto part 3 soon