After ranting at my husband for the last 15 mins, I need to vent on here as I am confused about something, and need/want clarification, though I know I won't get it, unless someone wants to email me their thoughts! This won't be a long post. Since exploring this mental health world, and the effects… Continue reading Pick and Choose Mental Health

Dreams, are they a reflection of a reality that you struggle to understand or are they a manifestation of a nightmare situation, created by your own existence, Flitting between teenage me and adult me, getting ready for school but I didn't want to go, didn't want to face another day of being ignored, another day… Continue reading Nightmares

Christmas, for the first time a few years ago, I finally felt able to get excited, and bring the magic into the lives of my children, even more then I had already attempted, we had the biggest tree we could fit, the most decorations, we made our own traditions, we made our own little family… Continue reading What is Christmas anymore

I have debated over and over whether to do this, but I guess it's better to do then do not, and regret later. I write this in the hope that maybe the one it's intended for will see this and maybe have some understanding, even just a small amount as to why they are in… Continue reading

As the dates and days close in, my mind is in a mess once again, not bad or worrying, I am not at risk this time, its more of confusion and frustration. The last 2 or so day's, alone with my thoughts, over thinking, over assuming, or am I?I pull apart as much as I… Continue reading 3 situations blended into one

writing this straight from a panic attack/flash back, I normally wait, but i have nothing to distract me, so why not let out whats inside whilst its still raw? It may take me a while my typing is awful, my hands won't stop shaking. According to so many, I should be enjoying and living my… Continue reading flashback or a panic attack,

I keep getting told I need to take responsibility for my actions, and that I must never scapegoat (I still loathe that word) Yet everything has a beginning, and as the puzzle of my past falls into place, I realize, you are to blame, I am by default a result of your failure to protect… Continue reading It’s Not My Fault

I posted the following on my social media the other day, I bring it here, as I reflect on the past few weeks, and laugh to myself, that professionals are useless yet again! 5 weeks ago, my husband was removed from my home, I am not allowed to speak or see him, I have been… Continue reading Why is time not allowed?

Well hello old friend, its been a while but I see you have decided its time to return. I would rather the first hello again wasnt when I was driving alone, in the fog and rain, hard to focus, pulling over isnt always an option. I dont know why you have returned, I assume the… Continue reading

I write this with fear, I write this with tears threatening, time and time again over the past few weeks, I have come back to this, unsure whether I will ever publish it, Unsure why I need to do this, but it's another part of my puzzle I am trying to understand. I don't even… Continue reading I am Sorry

I have written a post, I wish I could share, but it will sit in drafts for the moment, as I am too scared, I have destroyed thing's enough, but I want to speak here, briefly, I want you to know that thing's since that June 28th day, have been a mind fuck,I understand it's… Continue reading

I have held back so fucking much, I have allowed you to judge me, I have allowed you to question me, yet not hear my answers, I have allowed you to walk into my life I have allowed you to assume a situation beyond my control, I have allowed you to sit and hear everyone… Continue reading To Professionals

I keep going to write, then my mind goes blank, it all feels so wrong, Midnight, I have just seen its midnight, time has slipped away from me, I am tired, but I cannot sleep, I have yet to work out, whether,nightmares when sleeping are easier then the one's when living,

Am i who i am because of the way i have been treated or am i treated the way I am because of who I am This is a question I ask myself constantly, over and over, trying to work out the truth, if there is even one to that question. My path over the… Continue reading A New Path, I am so scared

My time here can be so negative, I cannot deny this, it's become the norm, when you feel like you are fighting every day, when every moment is documented in a negative light, the positive never acknowledged, the good times seen and brushed away, yet the moments were one may have a normal slip, are… Continue reading Each day… One small step

Have you ever looked at your life like a giant puzzle,One handed to you in a thousand pieces, No photo on the box, no clues to how it goes together, Just one giant pile of chaos. As you spread them out before you, trying to figure out some kind of pattern, Picking up pieces, examining… Continue reading Puzzle Pieces

Its funny how poeple assume your own reactions and actions by their own opinions of you. When the reality often is so much futher from the truth. With no blame laid other then that of my own emotions over riding logic, it sometimes take a split second to wake up to what caused your own… Continue reading Reactions to Actions

I try not to reflect on the past too often, It is simply the past, one that cannot be re-walked. I sometimes revisit it in my mind to see how far I have come, to remember I have survived more then I remember.This one though, has a different vibe. A year ago, we woke to… Continue reading A year Ago

Over the last 2 or so years, so many accusations have been thrown at me, for my ways to cope, I have shouted it's not an issue leave me be, but they kept on at me, I am glad to say in the last week or so, I have been able to prove them wrong,… Continue reading Small Steps

I don't know who this was, but thank you! I wear amethyst all the time, when I arrived home today, after a week of confusing and conflicting emotions, not knowing from one day to the next where I was going to be be, to find this in my letter box, thank you ❤

I got to hold 2 of my babies, ok so they are older but they are mine. The time was short, but feeling their arms around my neck was the most beautiful moment, feeling their tears warm on my skin was heartbreaking, Their voices stating they didnt want to say goodbye, tearing at my soul.… Continue reading My world