Nightmares

Dreams, are they a reflection of a reality that you struggle to understand or are they a manifestation of a nightmare situation, created by your own existence,

Flitting between teenage me and adult me, getting ready for school but I didn’t want to go,
didn’t want to face another day of being ignored, another day where no one spoke to me.
Hitting my head on the wall, I was told my tears were forced and fake,
I get up see people by the door, I scream at him to leave me alone.
We Knew you were unstable and not safe, I hear, we will take your children,
Again I scream, this time no coming from within, I have done nothing,
No you haven’t but you aren’t stable, we will take your children
I will leave, let me leave, don’t take them but give me time I have things to do
I see my daughters beary, the head needs stitching back on, I promise to do it but I’m surrounded by people judging me, telling me to hurry up,
I sit with her, wanting to help her, I see others around me, yet their faces are a blur
I jump when a hand comes down on my shoulder telling me I need to pack.
I look for my son, he shakes his head pulls away, I ask if he’s OK he tells me he’s been told I’m bad and not to be trusted
I say I’m sorry, as I try and start to sew this head back on, but it’s the wrong cord, Its too thick,
I have no time to correct it, I tell her to ask her FC, she say’s OK, she’s better anyway,
I look up and see my husbands sister walk in with her two children,
I ask her to leave why does she need to be there, she smirks tells me finally her brother gets rid of trash
I scream and run at her, telling her to go, her children laughing,
I don’t want to leave I don’t understand,
I’m stood in a classroom people at the door all blurred, as though through glass, I feel nothing but confusion
My mother stood by telling me told me so I’m not worth anything it’s time to accept that,
I find myself sitting, in a kitchen, one of which I have never seen before,
My head resting on the tiles on the wall, No one listening, everyone around,
Waiting for me to go, So they can live their own lives once again,
I don’t want to go, I don’t understand, I want to cry, but everything feels fake,
My youngest daughter, her head shaved, laughing no context I was asking why to be ignored, she’s not yours now I hear
I just want my family, I don’t want this, what have I done, I am sorry,

Many think nightmares are ghouls and horror, but sometimes, distortions of reality are far far worse, esp when emotions feel almost, to be something that’s far worse then any thing in a horror.
I don’t recall every moment in this world from the early hours, and for that I am glad, for what I felt and saw and recall is enough to make me not want to close my eyes tonight,