A year Ago

I try not to reflect on the past too often, It is simply the past, one that cannot be re-walked. I sometimes revisit it in my mind to see how far I have come, to remember I have survived more then I remember.

This one though, has a different vibe.

A year ago, we woke to a new beginning, a new home, in my home town, I had gone back to were my soul felt right.
Thing’s were not over, not by any means, but it was a step in the right direction. We had so many plan’s but we knew it was going to take a while to settle, find out feet, and work out everything, from the home, to what was in the surrounding areas.

Sadly, as our oldest son’s behavior worsened, we struggled more and more, but we had hope, we had left behind and escaped so many bad thing’s. That this blip, was something we would try and handle. I won’t deny the struggles, it effect me mentally and emotionally, his emotional wellbeing was being compromised, but it was no where to the level it had once been, but it wasn’t in a safe place emotionally.
We worried our parenting wasn’t right, we called out for help constantly, but by the time it came, it was too late, and our son was handed to the system.
We felt cruel, but for the whole family, it was for the best.

After a while life resettled, finally we could find boundaries and a way to parent, but it was hard, we didn’t know what was right or wrong, we didn’t fully understand the impact, but when you are struggling, with no advice on the right way out, as in my own views, if you are not told were you are going wrong, how can you find the right path, sometimes, you don’t need the answers, but you do need guidance. ~

But it was too late for all of us

My heart breaks as I sit here now, missing my children, feeling like my world has been ripped apart. As some very difficult decisions had to be made just a couple of weeks ago. Ones to be explained in another blog post in another time.

A year into our home, a year into what we had hoped was a new and fresh start for our little family, we have nothing, but the four walls surrounding us, empty of their noise, empty of their thundering footsteps, void of life.

We will fight another day, as I pray in a years time, I can sit and repost an update, that life brings laughter and more into these four walls once again.