I tried to go out yesterday, but my mind betrayed me, as a panic attack forced its way through my body. Pulling on sunglasses praying no one sees the tears, focusing on my breathing and then Getting back to the hotel, i fought back emotions tearing at me like knives jabbing at every part of me, as the floor beneath me felt like it was going to give way at any moment, the reality being my body just wanted to surrender to nothingness
Back in the room, i thought ill try again tomorrow. I made a plan, a plan i now regret. As now is that tomorrow, today. Today i am exhausted, today I dont wish to try to open that door.
I have not eaten since monday, bar a handful of jelly babies, the thought of food closes my throat, the thought of speaking to another human face to face makes me feel ashamed, to feel the warmth of the sun on my face is a pleasure for those who deserve the nice things in life
Tuesday, I have to wait until tues, today it is Thursday, its been less then 72 hours,
I wish I could sleep every moment away, unaware of time, unaware of life outside these walls.
Its 11am, I am returning to bed, I pray sleep falls over me until its over. The curtains will remain closed keeping me safe in a dark embrace
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