A confusion of emotions, I am expected to forget/let go of moments that caused me pain,
Yet I have to remember them, to appease others, another reminder, that my pain doesn’t matter,
Because if someone else wants info on that moment, my pain doesn’t matter,
I have to go through all that pain to remember,
yet when the pain causes me a reaction I cannot control, I am told I need to get over it,
Yet I have to forget it?
I am so fucking confused,
Do I be selfish and put my own needs first to allow me to survive another week,
Or do I put others first, as seems expected of me, with a result, that means,
I struggle to cope, anger, rage, tears, self harm is the result, yet accepted,
As it means the other party is satisfied with the result,
Something they need, something they want, regardless of feelings,
I understand everyone has emotions, everyone has feelings,
I just get confused as to whom’s are the one’s that are most important,
A question tonight though,
One I can’t answer,
I have been told I have to
because someone has a right to know,
Yet its a question I ask, but I will never get an answer,
as I am not allowed too know,
yet I have to answer the question for others,
This is why I am confused,
Yet I guess the answer is clear,
if I causes me pain for an answer I need to clarify and move on from there,
I need to forget it, move on, suffer, deal with it,
If its a question others demand of me, I must hold that pain,
that memory must sit clear, and strong,
I must remember it until the other person is satisfied with an answer,
I guess I always knew this,
I guess its hard for me to comprehend
Others pain has to be cleared, calmed, other wise I am selfish
My pain has to be suffered, I have to deal with it,
A constant reminder, Pain for myself has to be dealt with
that’s fine
I shall now force myself to remember a time of hell
I shall drag myself to the depths once again
Because I need to think of someone else
My needs no longer matter, and the sooner I remember that the better
peacefullyerratic.com 