Struggling

Without drink, I struggle through each day, refusing to acknowledge the truth, refusing to deal the card life has handed me,
I pull all to the back, I focus on others, I do what is required of my life, one to appease others, one to ensure nothing is unsettled, a life of calm, and happiness for all.

I feel my blog is now just a repetition of life, thoughts, moments, feelings,
Words I fear not to repeat, so I sit silenced, afraid to speak out,
There is no difference to now and then, nor the future, as groundhog day set’s in,

people tell me drink is a depressant etc, but is it really?
For me daily life with drink, hides the truth I struggle to hide in reality,
drink gives me the confidence to push forward a moment I struggle with other wise,
Walking to my car, just yards from my front door,
Normality, I hide from this, shaking I sit and say no, the CD can wait,
A couple of drinks, I say screw it, what right do they have to say my movements,
What right do they have to say how I live my life,
As I walk to the car, words screamed at me from within their homes,

My husband can sit scared, scared of a unknown,
Yet what is a unknown until you walk into that fear,
Yet we have done no wrong, so why sit scared?

I have no fear,
For I am not afraid,

Fear leads to nothing but a nightmare you have no escape from,
A nightmare you have no control of,
A nightmare that may be reality yet one of dreams,
Yet what is dreams when nightmares are your reality?

Nightmares are my reality, yet nightmares are what people fear,
I no longer fear nightmares,
They are my reality