Drink

Give up the drink they said, its a depressant they said,
I don’t like drink, he say’s, I’m teetotal, he say’s,
Drink is bad they say,
Drinking is selfish, I hear, Hangover’s are not worth it, they claim
Withdrawal will be hell, you drink too much,

I suffer neither hangovers, nor withdrawal,
Instead my punishment is a mind, I had tried to avoid,
Instead my arms take the brunt as I struggle with chaos,
Chaos and dissociation stronger then before,
Yet told I am softer now?

I do not claim drink to be a cure nor good,

It for me, helped relax my mind so I could blog, so I could talk,
Let out, as my my don’t care button switches on,
And I feel able to let off, knowing I will not remember the next day,
Just knowing I will feel easier,

I do not sit here, wishing to drink like an alcoholic,
I dream of the day I have a better way to deal with life and my mind,
It is not a crutch, but it has helped me stay alive to this day,
or is it just a drink to a slow death of nothing?

I do not crave this thing, I gave it up, willingly,
Out of respect for the man who stands with me,
I just wish, on day’s like today, I could block out the mind,
The mind I pray you never walk,
A mind of confusion, frustration, and now,

one that is weary, as I slap on the smiles harder,
Pull that mask back once more, one I had let slip,
Hold back my tongue,

I do not seek permission to drink, I seek to blog a path I am now on,
One I don’t know where it will take me,
I see the world differently now, darker, heavier, reality,
Reality I have no idea how to deal with,

Yet one I will, as I do for all,
Thinking of others once again,
So bad of me to let that slip, I am sorry for being selfish,
The remaining bottles of just soft hardly alcoholic filling the drain,

I could write more, I wish I could,
but mini humans need me, I need to go,

I can barely blog now, I miss this place,
but me? I don’t matter, they do…..