Liverpool

You would have thought my London trip would have taught me a lesson,
instead a life lesson didn’t happen, and I was naive enough to believe and trust those around me.

I returned from London, embarrassed and ashamed,
I for the first time, truly felt hate, I for the first time felt uncertainty,
I didn’t know right from wrong.
I didn’t speak of my experience, embarrassed, I smiled, said all was OK.


Introduced to chatlines, informed a way to make friends,
Informed it was all I was worthy of by those close to me,
Convinced it was the only way, forced upon me,
I believed nothing less, I signed up, a free phone line.
It involved speaking a recorded message, then waiting replies,
stupidly believing this was all I was worth,
I chatted, I spoke, messages flying back and forth,
I got excited at attention, I spoke of my looks, I spoke of my location,
Nothing more, I didn’t know risks, I didn’t know fear.

Soon a voice mail, I want you for photo shoots,
Blonde, Blue eyed, size 8, I will pay your transport to Manchester.
Naive, I believed. I spoke to my mother,
Encouraged, I took the offer.
Soon I found myself on a train.
I found myself in a strange location,
I didn’t know what was expected, I went with the flow,
A house of 3 levels, asked to strip, asked to pose for photos,
I held no shame, I agreed, thought it was all I was worth,
Told it would earn me income, I smiled, I felt fear, i felt nothing,
I went with the flow, knowing it was the only way home.
Laying my head to rest at night, told tomorrow more photos,
I sighed, I accepted.
The next day photos more done,

told I could go home, told to wait,
Wait for what, never was explained.

I came home, I waited, heard nothing,
Until a call, asking me to return that one day,
I turn to my mother, in the middle of co-op.,
informed the carrots were cooking I would be selfish,
So I refused the return to Manchester,
Threatening voicemails followed for day’s after,
I was told Money Lost, Reputation screwed,
Yet I didn’t care, her roast dinner had gone well.

Until this day, I question, I wonder,
What would have happened if I had returned?
I had not been sexually abused,

I had only been emotionally screwed,

Or had I?

I had been placed in a potential danger once again,
but what did it truly matter
I knew nothing, but to be used,
My body was no longer my own,
My mind controlled by others,

What was to become….
I didn’t know…
Was I afraid….?

NO, I accepted this life,
Was simply no longer my own.