Flashback

I have been unsure of what to title these short blog posts, a snippet of my history. Short flashbacks of moments that really impacted my life. Moments that may seem insignificant to some but to me, they have caused a ripple effect throughout my life.
If anyone can think of a better title…let me know!
None of these will be in order, there was a point it all ran through in order, but as soon as I sit to talk or write, my mind goes white. So again, please bare with me on these.

It’s on talking to someone on social media that’s prompted me to start with this one. This one impacts me to this day, a fear I have never gotten over.
I was around 6 yrs of age, and I *needed* medication. I use the term needed loosely, as I don’t remember being ill in any way.

Laying on my back on the floor, in the kitchen, my mother knelt over me, pinning my arms to my sides with her knees. There was her usual gang of male friends sat around the table laughing and saying go for it.
I was crying saying no, shaking my head, when she used two fingers to pinch my nose, forcing me to open my mouth to gulp for breath, soon as that happened, her fingers were pushing pills down my throat, before forcing my mouth too shut so I swallowed. The pills were round and black, looking back they were around the size of a pea, but to a small child you might as well have been forcing a orange down their throat.
Satisfied I had swallowed, my mother got off me, saying see wasn’t so hard now was it.
I ran off to bed in tears, in discomfort, repeatedly swallowing. She never gave me another pill after that night. No mention was done, Nothing.

Years on questioning her, she claims my skin was falling off, or it was chicken pox pills. I have never had the truth and people I have asked, were actually just as confused as I am as to why she forced me to take these pills that one time

The fear of choking, not being able to breathe, the weight of her on my chest, the laughter of the people around the table, is a memory I will never forget

I have never been able to swallow a tablet since, making medication very difficult and limited for me.

Remember what you do with your child today will impact on them not just tomorrow, but potentially in many years to come.

Peacefully Erratic